Personal ANNecdotes

Personal ANNecdotes - Creative Non-Fiction - My Personal Blackhole.



Idiosyncrasy -- a word used to describe an odd behavior or habit done by a person.


Una kong nakita ang salitang ito sa isang libro sinasagutan ko noong elementary pa lang ako (if I'm not mistaken, Grade 4 yata).

Isa sa mga idiosyncrasy ko simula pa noong bata ako ay ang palagiang pagbibitbit ng bag saanman ako pumunta. Madalas nga akong sitahin ng Mama ko dahil dahil daw para akong abnormal na laging may dalang bag kahit hindi naman papasok sa eskwelahan.

Sabi niya, ugaling matanda raw ang pinaiiral ko. Mahilig sa bagahe, pagtatabi ng mga abubot at mga bagay-bagay na ipinapalagay niyang 'basura.'

Marahil, sa mura kong edad, nagawa ko nang malaman kung ano ba talaga ang gusto kong gawin sa buhay. Gusto kong maging isang manlalakbay. Gusto kong makarating sa malayong mga lugar na tanging sa imahinasyon ko lamang maaabot.

Hindi magawang maintindihan ng Mama ko kung ano'ng klaseng ugali ba ang mayroon ako at kung ano ba ang mga dahilan ko sa paggawa ng iba't ibang bagay sa mundo.

Subalit ngayong unti-unti ko nang binabasag ang aking katahimikan, nagagawa niya nang maunawaan ang daan-daang nakatagong sakit sa aking puso at isipan.

(Masyado na 'ata akong nalalayo sa paksa ko.)

Mahilig akong lumibot sa bawat sulok ng aming bahay. Sa katunayan, nahihilo na nga ang mga magulang at kapatid ko sa kaiikot ko. Dinadaan-daanan ko sila na para bang walang ibang tao sa bahay namin kundi ako lang.

Naiinis din si Mama kapag ginagawa ko 'yun. Para raw akong siraulong ikot ng ikot at lakad ng lakad na wala namang patutunguhan.

Subalit, lingid sa kanyang kaalaman, maraming lugar na akong napupuntahan sa ginagawa kong paglilibot. Umaabot ako sa Parthenon, Europe, Greece, at ilang probinsya sa Pilipinas nang hindi nila namamalayan.

Ang paggamit ng imahinasyon ang tanging gamot ko upang makatakas sa kalungkutan ng aking mundo. At bagama't nais ko sanang may makausap upang matulungan akong tumakas sa bilangguan ng hinagpis, wala akong makitang taong mapagkakatiwalaan nang itinatagong sakit ng aking puso.

Akala ng marami, masaya ang aking kabataan. Madalas akong tumawa. Ngunit, sa likod ng matitinis kong halakhak, ay isang pusong lumuluha at humihiling na sana, sa paglalakbay ko sa ibang sulok ng mundo, matatagpuan ko ang isang taong tulad kong nahihirapan at nagdurusa...

Sana, matagpuan ko ang isang kaluluwang handang iabot ang kanyang kamay upang ilayo ako sa mapanglaw at mapanlinlang na mundong ito.


Sana, hindi ko kinakailangang itago ang laman ng puso ko at magpanggap na matatag sa kabila ng katotohanang nais nang bumigay ng pagkatao ko.


Hindi ako malakas. Hindi rin ako matatag.

Lalo na kung ang pinag-uusapan ay walang iba kundi -- IKAW.

One lonely soul. Naaalala kong minsan, isang gabi, hindi ako makatulog at pinili ko na lamang magsulat upang maibsan ang kalungkutang nadarama ko. Sa isang sulok ng madilim kong kwarto, naglalakbay ang aking diwa sa isang malayong pook; isang lugar kung saan makatatagpo ako ng isang kaluluwang tulad kong nalulunod sa kalungkutan.

Gusto kong tumungo sa lugar na iyon upang kahit papaano'y mabawasan ang bilang ng mga taong tumatangis at nahihirapan ng tahimik. Bilang isang taong dumaraan sa ganoong uri ng sakit, alam kong hindi madaling dalhin ang isang bagay nang nag-iisa. Kailangan natin ng kasama.

My idiosyncrasy seemed to be the only way for me to escape this precarious and pretentious world.

Many people would reach out their hand to you and try to comfort you. Some would even profess their love for you or even promise an eternity with you.

But then, promises, often, are meant to be broken.

And not ALL  people who tell you they LOVE YOU truly mean it.

I have met many people who promised to be with me to love me. I have met some who have said they value my friendship and time. But most of these people tend to stay by my side because they can benefit from me.

Kailan kaya ako makararating sa pinapangarap kong sulok ng mundong iyon? Kailan kaya ako makararating doon upang mahanap ka?

I hope, it doesn't have to take a lifetime to search for you.






"Sa dinami-rami ng mga pangalang isinulat ko sa papel, ikaw lang ang bukod-tanging isinulat ko sa puso ko. "

Pero, mali ako. Dahil hindi lang kita basta isinulat sa puso ko. Iniukit ko ang bawat isang letra na tila ba isa ka sa mga taong bagama't dapat ko nang burahin ay hindi ko na magagawa pa. Nakaukilkil ang bawat titik sa aking puso sa pinakamariin at malalim na paraan.

Hindi ko maintindihan ang sarili ko. Alam kong mali ang ginagawa ko pero para sa akin, tama ito. Sabi nila, ang pinakamabisang paraan upang makapagsimula nang panibago sa buhay ay ang talikuran ang mga alaala. Ngunit, papaano ko magagawa iyon kung ang buhay ay walang iba kundi IKAW? May silbi pa ba ang pagbabago kung hindi rin lang naman kita kasama?

Siguro, kung maririnig mo ang mga sentimyentong ito ng puso ko, wala kang ibang gagawin kundi ang pagtawanan ako. Ang cheesy kasi, eh! Pero, wala na akong magagawa dahil ito ang totoong laman ng puso ko sa mga oras na ito. Maging hanggang bukas, sa susunod na araw o maging sa mga darating pang araw na hindi ko na mabilang.

Namimiss na talaga kita. Tuwing umaga, kapag papasok ako sa eskwelahan, hindi ko mapigil ang sarili kong maisip kita. Hindi maaaring kahit sansaglit ay hindi ka sasagi sa isip ko. Pero, wala akong pinahihirapan kundi ang sarili ko...

Dapat na kitang kalimutan pero paano ko gagawin iyon?

Para akong mamamatay kung tuluyan kitang kalilimutan...

Can Love Really Kill or Is it Too Much Love? (Updated)


Do you believe that too much love can kill you? Or is there such thing as too much love? Do you remember this post?

Well, a lot of those who commented said they like the shirt's design. So I'm giving away shirts! But of course, it's not as easy as just throwing it away to you guys. hehe. You have to do a little work to get it. Yes, this is a contest and I am inviting you to join.

Pa-CONTEST!

Monz Avenue has now reached its 8th month in the blogosphere! Thanks to you.

As my way of showing gratitude for the continued support that you have shown to me and to my blog, I am running a contest. Oo na, gaya-gaya na ako. Peru eto uso ngayon eh. Hahlols. ^_^

I Need Sponsors!

Be a sponsor. Just leave a comment or send me an email at rayban1st@yahoo.com

So far, the Sponsors are:
* Chad of Coolbutsmokin.wordpress.com who offers cash through Paypal
* Rhona of Kofistains.com who offers cash through Paypal
* Reesie of Reesie.net who offers cash through Paypal
* Jehzeel of Jehzlau-Concepts.com who offers cash through Paypal
* Jerick of Rickspot.com who offers ad space at his site
* Bogcess of TechnoChase.com who offers cash through Paypal
* Mars of OrphicPixel.com who offers cash through Paypal
* Winkie of WinkiesWorld.wordpress.com who offers cash/E-load
* Cris of www.crisiboy.com who offers cash/E-load


(Ulit lang.)


Benefits of being a sponsor to this contest:
* You will own an AD space in the sidebar of this blog.
* The participants of the contest will include a link in their entry-posts to your respective blogs.
* One T-shirt for each cash sponsor.

To be a sponsor, you can donate cash through Paypal. Cash must be at least $8. You can also offer ad space. However ad space must be at least 120 x 150 pixels, a space good enough for small icons or small banner.

Terms and Conditions for the Sponsorship:
* For sponsors who would donate at least $8 to $12 cash through Paypal or Credit Card, in return, you will receive one T-shirt (size of your choice) and a 150 x 120 ad space in my sidebar (or as big as that OrphicPixel image in the sidebar) until December 2009.

* For sponsors who would donate cash ranging from $13 to $20, in return, you will receive one T-shirt and a 150 x 120 ad space in my side bar
(or as big as that OrphicPixel image in the sidebar) for one-whole year. (From July 2009 to July 2010)

* For sponsors who would donate $21 and above, in return, you will receive two T-shirts and a permanent 150 x 240 ad space (banner) in the sidebar.

* E-loads or Philippine cash is also accepted (at least Php 300). Please contact me for further info.



The mechanics:
• Make a post about love, too much love, unrequited love, unconditional love and any kind of love that you could think of.
• Put this shirt design image (see above picture) anywhere on your post. The shirt image must have a link towards my blog. Note: Failure to do so disqualifies your entry.
* Include the links of the sponsors in your entry/post.

Should you wish to join, first, please go to this link and vote for this T-shirt design. Click here. Actually, this is optional but I'd appreciate it so much if you'll register to that site and vote for this T-shirt design.

Please join me celebrate by joining the contest. I'd appreciate it.

Join now! I can only accommodate 10 participants. So hurry!

Criteria for judging:
* Number of comments on your entry/post.
* Number of incoming links from your blog to my blog through that T-shirt image in your blog post. Let me know if this is not clear.
* Number of votes: I will put up a poll in the sidebar with the names of the participants after the 10 is completed.

Prizes (Tentative):
* All 10 participants will receive a shirt.
* $15 for the Ultimate Winner.
* $8 for the Voters Choice Awardee
* $8 for the Most Commented Poster

Note:
* I reserve the rights to change or increase the prizes. This information is still subject to change until July 20.
* Deadline of submission of entries is on August 3, 2009. The contest will close on August 7, 2009 and winners will also be announced on the same day.
Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant.
- 1 Corinthians 13:4





About Me

My photo
++ literary emo ++ lover of Apollo ++ MISANTHROPIST ++ certified INTROVERT! ++ writer ++ lover of letters ++ lunatic ++ descendant of Thanatos ++ rival of Nyx ++ archenemy of Hypnos ++ reader between the lines ++ fantasizes of visiting the Louvre Museum someday ++ wishes to defeat Marco Polo's record on circumnavigation ++ daydream traveler ++ gothic muse ++ dark angel ++ mental succubus ++ walang pakialam sa mundo (maliban sa mga taong importante sa akin)++ HATER OF PRETENSION ++ artistic ++ autistic ++ may sariling mundo ++ creator of her universe ++ loyal

On Raphaelle's Wings

RAPHAEL is one of the seven guardian angels who protect mankind and follow God's plans.

While some people believe that he was the angel meant to give luck to cockfighters and betters, Raphael was actually there to guide and heal the brokenhearted.

Thus, Raphael meant "God heals."


This is my corner amongst the sea of many identities and characters.

This blog contains the many thoughts, questions and ponderings that my mind held for so long.

So, sit back, relax and prepare to take a flight.

Let Raphaelle's (my female persona) wings take you on a journey beyond compare, to a faraway land you sought to conquer, touch, see and hold.

Chinggayan Corner!

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