Personal ANNecdotes

Personal ANNecdotes - Creative Non-Fiction - My Personal Blackhole.


Sometimes, some things are better left unsaid.


There are times when talking about your feelings is not the best thing to do. Though most people would advice that speaking your heart out is the best remedy, the truth is, even being honest with what you feel is not the best thing decision to make --
especially, when the people around you, particularly those you are expecting to give you comfort, are also hurting just like you.

Sa maraming pagkakataon, pinipili ko na lamang manahimik at hindi magbanggit ng anumang bagay na patungkol sa'yo dahil masakit talaga. Hindi naman kasi ganoon kadaling ibalik ang buhay mo sa dating takbo nito matapos mawala sa iyo ang isang tao.

Ipokrito lang ang magsasabing ayos lang siya kahit na alam niyang mahalaga ang taong nawala sa kanya. Plastic lang ang magsasabing hindi siya nasaktan -- kahit na alam niyang gusto pa niyang makasama ang taong iyon sa mga susunod na segundo, minuto, oras, buwan at taon ng buhay niya...

Madalas, tumatahimik lang ako lalo na sa mga pagkakataong naiiisip kita. Mas gusto kong sarilinin na lang ang mga panahong sumasaglit ka sa isip ko.
Palagi kasi nila akong sinasabihang emotera at walang ibang alam na emosyon kundi ang kalungkutan.

Marunong din naman akong maging masaya at tumawa, subalit, hindi sa ganitong pagkakataong gustong umiyak ng puso ko. Pakiramdam ko, kalahati ng pagkatao ko ang nawala simula nang umalis ka.
You complete me in so many ways, more than you could ever imagine.

Yet, though I fully acknowledge your role in this part of my life, unfortunately, the words would never find their way to you. Sometimes, I want to ask God if you have computer or LAN connections in heaven.


Hindi na ako nagsasalita. Hindi na ako kumikibo. Pero, ano naman ang gagawin ko kung ang mga tao sa paligid ko na ang pilit nagpapaalala sa akin ng lahat? Kung kahit pinipili ko nang hindi ka banggitin ay sila naman ang pilit naghahalungkat ng lahat kahit alam nilang nasasaktan ka sa ginagawa nila?


I wanted to scream, shout and tell them to get their heads off my life yet, for some reason, I do not possess the courage to do that. Paano ba nila maiintindihang ayoko nang ibalik ang nakaraan? Na katulad nila, gusto ko na ring bumangon mula sa pagkakalugmok upang ipagpatuloy ang buhay ko.


Akala nila, nakakatulong sa akin ang pag-uulit-ulit nila ng pangalan mo. Ang hindi nila alam, dahil sa ginagawa nila, mas lalo tuloy kitang hindi makalimutan.


Isa lang naman ang gusto kong mangyari sa mga oras na ito -- ang makatagpo ng isang taong pwede kong yakapin at iyakan. Isang taong pwede kong sabihin ang nararamdaman ko.


Nasasaktan kasi ako. Ang sakit-sakit na sa palagay ko, hindi naman nagagawang ibsan gaano man katagal o kabilis tumakbo ang panahon.


Time itself cannot lessen the pain. But, it helps you get used to it, until you finally get to learn how to live with it, bear with it and suffer without having to destroy yourself and your life.
Pero, sa mga oras na ito, wala akong makitang taong pwedeng kong masandalan at maiyakan. Ang mga taong madalas kong kasama ngayon ay marami ring mga problemang pinapasan.
Ayoko nang dumagdag pa sa dalahin nila.


Natatakot akong magsabi sa kanila dahil malamang, pagtatawanan lamang nila ako at hindi paniniwalaan... Sanay na kasi silang ganito ako. Ano bang bago?


Kahit umiyak pa ako ng dugo, wala na ring halaga iyon sa kanila.


Sana, kahit man lang sa panaginip, ay makita kita.


Please. Just this once.

(Raphaelle I.N.J.)


3 comments:

just happen to drop by. it's my first time here. it breaks my heart knowing that yours is breaking as well. i know we don't know each other, it's just that i was once in there (sa situation mo). it's really hard to keep everything to yourself. mahirap, mabigat sa loob na it's just you and yourself. mahirap na alam mong the people around you won't understand what you are going through. you know what? let your pain out. how? cry until the last tear drops. now, if you feel you badly need someone else's advice pero you can't find the right person to confide, just continue writing here. that's what i did eh, and it helped. who knows? it might work to you as well.

:)

or if you want, you can share to me. :) it's sometimes better to share stuff to strangers. minsan kasi, they understand more. di ka pa-iju-judge :)

God bless.

just want to clarify, what i meant with "i was once in there (sa situation mo)" is that, i once was broken, and didn't know how to start a life without the person who brought colors to it. i once was like you, torn between memories and moving on. the only difference is, that person is still a friend of mine.

anyway, i just really wish you well.

hi there. i have just added you in my blog roll. :)

About Me

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++ literary emo ++ lover of Apollo ++ MISANTHROPIST ++ certified INTROVERT! ++ writer ++ lover of letters ++ lunatic ++ descendant of Thanatos ++ rival of Nyx ++ archenemy of Hypnos ++ reader between the lines ++ fantasizes of visiting the Louvre Museum someday ++ wishes to defeat Marco Polo's record on circumnavigation ++ daydream traveler ++ gothic muse ++ dark angel ++ mental succubus ++ walang pakialam sa mundo (maliban sa mga taong importante sa akin)++ HATER OF PRETENSION ++ artistic ++ autistic ++ may sariling mundo ++ creator of her universe ++ loyal

On Raphaelle's Wings

RAPHAEL is one of the seven guardian angels who protect mankind and follow God's plans.

While some people believe that he was the angel meant to give luck to cockfighters and betters, Raphael was actually there to guide and heal the brokenhearted.

Thus, Raphael meant "God heals."


This is my corner amongst the sea of many identities and characters.

This blog contains the many thoughts, questions and ponderings that my mind held for so long.

So, sit back, relax and prepare to take a flight.

Let Raphaelle's (my female persona) wings take you on a journey beyond compare, to a faraway land you sought to conquer, touch, see and hold.

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