Personal ANNecdotes

Where are you?

   I need someone to hold me and comfort me in one of my deepest, darkest hours. When I've been working so hard to stay positive, remain calm and look at the bright side of life.

   I feel so lonely that I am so close to wishing this all ends.

   I feel so empty and tired waiting for someone who I am not aware of whereabouts.

   I feel sad to the point that I want to come knocking loudly at your house, give you a big hug and surprise you with a long, sweet kiss just to let you know I am here.

   Where are you when I needed you the most? You suddenly left without saying whether I can hold on to a future with 'us' in the equation.

   I miss you so much. I think I am close to going insane because my mind would hallucinate over people who seem to have the same body shape as you. I would sometimes look closely at chubby guys who would move to the printer waiting for their documents. Sometimes, I would even give a second glance on males who wore the same shirt patterns you've used hoping it would be you all along.

   How I wished it was you. How I wished you knew how much suffering I am going through now because I really, really miss you.

   But, my words will go unread on this empty virtual space. And, my thoughts will go unsaid just like the last glance I made when you stepped out of the office and past the glass door.

   I wanted to run and stop you in your tracks, go with you to your car and allow me to take you to whatever place in the world will we find ourselves to. Just for once, I wanted to step out of the goody two shoes and be crazy like a lovestruck teenager once and for all.

   For once, I don't care if we would make out in the car, go on an unprecedented one night stand and allow you to leave me spent, tired but, warmed in those gentle, loving arms.

   Look who's talking now - - the immaculate virgin who never had sexual contact with a man for once in her life. She is crying out like a wild woman run loose fearing no societal standards, taboos or judgmental minds.

   For now, she just wants to be a woman, a woman loved by her very own man. A woman who even if she had never experienced being in a relationship once, still wanted to be like any normal female who would do everything to please and keep her man.

   A woman who even if society had forbidden her taking the initial move, is now freely fantasizing about a future with the husband she had longed for years hence.

   She is free to speak her mind on this virtual parchment. She is free to blot the blank spaces with random, but sharp words. She is an intelligent being who sees the future, looks back to the past and lives in the present to cherish all the moments they've had.

   She misses you so much. How she wished words were enough to show how much she cared and was saddened with your sudden absence in her life.


   I wanted to say these words even though, I know you will never have the chance to read them.

   I want to cry out as much and as hard as I can until I don't feel anything. For now, I will allow myself to go numb and imagine your arms encircled around me, giving me that warm embrace I've been longing for - - then, now and tomorrow.