Personal ANNecdotes

 Dreams change as people do.

A few months back, my nephew saw my high school drawings and asked, "Why did I not become an animator?" 🤔

I told him, I used to dream of becoming an animator. But, that was a long time ago. He is fond of watching animes and cartoon series so he looked forward to having an aunt who is part of Disney or Pixar. 😅😅

Then, I realized it's mainly because I stayed true to my one true passion - - WRITING. 1️⃣✍️

Whether it be prose or poetry, writing will always be my one great love. ♥️

Dreams change as people do. And, you realize this as you go along life's pilgrimage. 

It's ok to change your dreams as you go through life. It's ok to stop doing something when you found a better course to pursue your goals moving forward.

The only constant thing in life is CHANGE. And if people change constantly, why can they not upgrade their dreams? 💯💯

#ANNecdotes

#PersonalANNecdotes

#Love #Service #Gratitude

 If God puts you to it, He will pull you through it.

Trials poured into our family this June and July. There came times when most of us would cry thinking when will this be over.

But, the past 2 months brought beautiful miracles to our family as well.

1. My father's life. We almost lost him. 😢

2. The blessing of financial provision. We're very thankful to our relatives and friends who generously extended their help through financial means. Your assistance went a long, long way! 😊

3. The blessing of time generosity from relatives who looked after my sister and father in the hospital at the time we cannot go there. 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦

4. The blessing of a good doctor who did everything he can to save my father. Thank you Dr. Alex Tan! 👨‍⚕️

5. The blessing of miraculous billing adjustment at the time we are worried if we can fully settle it or not. God truly works in mysterious ways! 🙏

6. The blessing of each other. I've learned that in times of challenges, only your family will stay with you and go through each trial with you no matter what. Differences, conflicts or hurts will not matter as you go through the challenges together. It even brought us closer knowing we got each other's back through thick and thin.

We are so amazed how God worked miraculously through all of these trials! It was more than what the human mind can understand. What was once chaotic was put into order the moment he stepped in. 🙏🙏🙏

My father is still recovering. I am simply thankful not only for all of the blessings but also, for the love that our friends and relatives have extended as we went through this. May God bless you and your family tenfold! 🙏🙏🙏

 Have you tried something you're scared to do before?

Two years ago, I decided to get my first ear cartilage piercing. Probably, my rocker side influenced that decision (since most of them have piercings here & there). I was so amazed with the idea that I finally went for it during my visit in SM North EDSA.

Some friends said it would hurt a lot. There were also horror stories of acquaintances who got infected with tetanus after getting pierced in less reputable sites.

But, my decision was made. I will get my ear cartilage piercing no matter what.

After visiting Samsung, I asked people from jewelry shops if they do this. Most said 'No' because it was a dangerous procedure. Until, a saleslady from UniSilver pointed me to Tribal.

At first, I thought it was weird that a known T-shirt brand does ear piercings. But, I listened to her anyway and headed for the next floor.

Apparently, inside Tribal is a hidden room called Skinworkz station. The business offers professional piercing services under its owner Ricky Sta. Ana. I recognized the name as a respected tattoo and piercing artist after reading a feature on Pulp. By that time, I knew I was in the right hands.

The staff who would perform the piercing were amiable and welcoming. However, they weren't the usual people you see in uniform or in scrubsuits. This particular guy, wore a black shirt and basketball shorts. He assisted me in choosing the perfect earring to place on my left ear cartilage. He was also accompanied with 2 men wearing t-shirts and basketball shorts. I guess, the typical corporate dress code does not apply to this place. 

I wanted a ring with a cross but, there was limited selection. In the end, I opted for a blue stainless steel ring with a circular lock. It was thicker than usual, probably, around 3 to 5 cm in thickness. I paid for it as well and the price was almost 7x higher than the one offered in the stall we found in Eastwood. 

He then proceeded in briefing me what would happen next. They use sterilised needles which will be disposed right after each piercing session. They do not re-use them as this may cause the spread of HIV or other blood-related diseases. They follow strict hygienic regulations. Pretty neat.

The guys were a little bit reluctant in doing it to me. They said it should not hurt that much. Was that because I am a girl? 😒😂

The old cliché statement, "It feels like being bitten by an ant," was the last I heard before I felt the needle puncture my left ear cartilage. It was pretty sharp and it really stung.

Unfortunately, the guy said he had to do it again because the earring was thicker and he should have used a bigger needle. Since I wanted to get through with it fast, I told him to go on.

And, the stinging puncturing of a needle happened in less than a few seconds. Finally, he went on with placing my chosen earring to secure the spot.

He cleaned the wound and provided instructions on how to protect the punctured area. I was to use alcohol and ensure that it was disinfected properly to avoid infection. It may take around 2 to 3 months before it heals completely. I also need to use a hair clip and avoid hair from touching it. I found myself listening intently to every word and holding myself accountable to this dauntless decision.

Right after the session, the first thing I've noticed was the blood that stained my shirt. And then, my ear was reddish with small bloodstains on it. Well, it was kind-of a morbid scene in a movie which I normally stopped watching because I hate the sight of crimson gushing down and amputated body parts. This was subtler since it was just blood drops from a slowly healing, wounded ear.

I did not go home immediately and stopped by Seattle's Best Coffee to take my caffeine boost. I have to admit that I felt my ear stinging especially, when I was waiting in line and my hair would brush it a little. It was pretty annoying and painful at the same time. But, I did it anyway. 

The decision to go through something you really wanted even if it means going through a lot of pain was worth it. I can't help but, compare it to the many decisions I have chosen to make even up to now.

If you stayed within your comfort zone, confined and secure in your safe haven, you will never grow. Since it goes against my goal of continuous personal growth, I have always challenged myself to get out of my self-imposed boundaries and travel beyond the unknown.

Life is one small decision at a time. And over time, the small decisions you make, whether it's cleaning your laundry, doing your groceries or opting to walk rather than take a cab or jeep, matters. It is in the small things that your so-called future or destiny is built.

Personally, I do not believe in destiny. I believe that we play in the active shaping of our lives through the small decisions we make every day. If you don't believe me, then I will not force you to.

This space was created as a safe haven for my  thoughts. It was never made to preach or push people to follow a doctrine. 

 Today, I can't help but cry while writing this personal anecdote. 

We just sent my sister to the hospital this day. My father came first last Monday. 

We are in the middle of a pandemic and sadly, we became part of the unfortunate few who made it to the dreaded slots - - the current list of those who incurred the fatal COVID-19 disease.

Personally, I am yet to prove whether I became positive with this ailment or not. I am monitoring myself to see if I will have an on and off fever in the coming days. 

I have experienced shortness of breath today due to fatigue. We had to clean the rooms and our home after sending off our loved ones to the hospital. This is to ensure we avoid leaving traces of the virus at home.

Now more than ever, I can understand what families who have gone through the turmoil have experienced. Those infected are not only attacked physically. They also go through mental, spiritual and emotional decline.

There came  a point when my sister asked me why the supplements we bought did not work. I told her there was an exemption since we are obese and this drops our immunity by 40%.

What saddens me the most is seeing my father's health decline after going through a series of sicknesses for more than a week. He will have on and off high fevers, muscle pain, weakness, difficulty in walking and standing and coughing loudly with wheezes everytime. It came to a point when his voice became hoarse and he could not complete a sentence without coughing in between. He was finding it hard to breathe. 

Sometimes, I wanted to point a finger on who is to blame for this situation. But, I have decided to come from a loving heart. What matters at this point is to show them how much you love them. This is a time game. 

I would rather choose to show my father how much I love him instead of putting the blame on whichever party. Every second is precious. 

Yesterday, I was not able to control myself from crying because I really wish to see him. I hate seeing my once strong papa come to a total decline because of this sickness. 

He is fighting. He was always a fighter. Even when I know he is really struggling to breathe and keep his mind open because we want him to stay on. 

Honestly, I have no idea how long will this battle last. But, I remain hopeful in the fact that both my family members will be able to join us soon. 

My sister is doing well. Also, we are fighting to purchase the medicines my father needs for his total recovery.

I believe that God has a reason for sending us into this situation. I have realized how much we truly love and care for each other. Despite all our arguments and petty fights, we remain as one family standing on each other's backs ready to serve anytime any of us needed that help.

In God I trust.

 Are you scared to fail? If yes, have you given yourself the permission to fail? ⚠️

I can't count the number of times I failed in college, both in my academic and in my student journalist stint. 😆😁

Junior writers are required to create articles for all sections. Because of this, I have experienced failure in the following forms. 

❌ An overhauled first feature article. 

❌ An overhauled first news article (which I still have by the way). 

❌ An overhauled first Filipino feature article. 

❌ A reconstructed short story in English. Literature is my forte, but limited to poem writing and prose on the side. 

❌ A reconstructed short story in Filipino. 

❌ A super awkward interview with Callalily. (Thankful to my News & Sports Editor for giving me this privilege. Though I bombed it! 😅) 

I can't remember how many times I also cried & ranted because I can't seem to do things right. I was in an extremely uncomfortable position of growing my skills as a writer & as a person. 😆😂

And because I gave myself the permission to fail, I have also experienced the following successes. 

✔️ Published 9 articles across all sections in a single edition. 

✔️ Created my first news feature article. 

✔️ Met new people during all of my interviews inside & outside the campus, from all walks of life. 

✔️ Joined student activist rallies twice just for the experience. I wrote about it in my Filipino feature article. 

✔️ Became a features & literary editor where I was able to teach what I know to our junior writers. 

✔️ Asked by my classmates about my interview with Callalily. And I was able to get close to Kean!! Yes, I count this as my success because it was a rare privilege! 😌❤️ I still had a big crush on Kean Cipriano during these times. 🤗🤗🤗

You don't know where life can lead you if you allow yourself to fail. Failures will always come to the person who seeks continuous growth in his/her personal life. 😉✔️

So ask yourself, are you still scared to fail? What if your failures can lead you to the ULTIMATE SUCCESS you've been praying for? ⬆️⬆️⬆️

#MindsetMondays

#PersonalANNecdotes

#anecdotes

 Do one thing everyday that keeps you closer to your goal.

Stop saying it's DIFFICULT.

Just put in the needed work.

There is no such thing as EASY when you are starting.

It goes for every single thing you have decided to do for the first time.

It's not easy to start a fitness plan. It's not easy to   shift to a different job. It's not easy to move out and live on a different place.

But, you can always decide to do whatever it takes, learn whatever needs to be learned and work until you get things right through time.

Your best and only choice is to step up, move up and level up to the best of your potential. 

 Falling in love and staying in love are two different concepts. They denote the same emotion but, connote different aspects. The former involves involuntary action, while the latter requires conscious decision-making. 

 I find it productive to list my tasks first before doing actual work. 📝1️⃣ 

Buti na lang, I have my usual stash of sticky notes for that. 📑

Then, I move to each task in this manner.

EASY ➡️ MEDIUM ➡️ HARD

May productivity hacks din ba kayo? Just in case, baka magamit ko in the future. 😁👍

 My 90-Day health journey is done. But, we're just starting! 😊

I'm realistic so I know I still need 275 more days to achieve my dream body. 😁

I personally want to extend my deepest gratitude to my 2 super matiyaga & strict OPPAS (read: kuyas) who guided me through this. Hindi ko pa rin makalimutan 'yung sinabi sa akin na burger is for cheat day. Tawang-tawa ako nung pinapagalitan ako. 😂

Thank you Sid & Archie for giving me a great start toward my healthy body journey. It was worth it because I've seen the change myself.

To a healthier body next year! 😉👍

 Are you scared to share your gift? 🙂

Why? 🤔❓

Because of fear of rejection  & judgment? Because you think you can't be at par with all those around you? Because you think no one will listen & everything will amount to nothing? ❌✖️

But, who are you giving disservice when you choose to hide in the shadows? 🙍‍♀️🙍‍♂️

It's your God. 😊 He once said, "I have not given you a spirit of fear." So whenever you feel afraid, ask yourself, "Is this from God?" 😕❓

In fact, Jesus said, "Let your light shine before men, that they may see your good works, and. glorify your Father which is in heaven." 🏵️🌸🌼

I came across this verse as I was asking for inspiration to find the courage to come out of my shell. 😊

So if God wants you to shine your light before men, what are you waiting for? ✨

Why are you stopping yourself from achieving those dreams that you have been longing for? 🙂

 Are you an introvert?

Trust me, I feel you. 😊

Love the arts and literature? Definitely!

It's because we express our hidden thoughts and emotions through these vehicles.

Love the silence? Observing people without saying anything? Count me in!

But, do you know what's bad about being an introvert? It's that natural shy character which hates to let the spotlight shine on him or her. 

We hate being stars. We prefer being in the background and go unnoticed as time went on. 

We have so much potential we prefer to hide simply because we love being in the shadows. 

Why not go out of the dark and step out to shine that light? 

Why don't you inspire others to unleash their best potential by showing yours? 

You don't know how many of us are waiting to be tapped so that we can finally break out of our solitary cocoons. 

I am excited to see you shine! Don't be afraid to step out. 

I believe in you. You can make it! 

 COMMITMENT

How committed are you in making changes to your life?

When I started my fitness plan, my goal was clear - - I want a healthier body.

But, it entails me to making a lot of changes in my life - - switching my food choices, minding my portions & committing to a totally DIFFERENT lifestyle.

If you'll ask me if it's EASY, definitely NOT. 😝 Because it's not easy to change the things you were used to.

It's not a DRAMA. It's simply a reality of life. 😊 Habits take at least 30 days to be updated.

If you're committed to a different lifestyle, it also entails you to change your mindset and how you look at your food choices.

My health journey is about to come to an end. But, I know I need to continue this even after 90 days.

The transformation I want for myself takes more than 90 days to materialize.

The question is, 'How long are you willing to continue the same commitment to make that change for yourself?' 

 Visualize your higher self and show up as HER.

Is raising your own self-confidence a form of conceit? Of selfishness?🔝

Of course not! ❌

We're so used to a world where instead of raising one's self-esteem, we pull it down in order to get ours up.

Where's the fun in that? 😅 Why do we always rejoice in toppling another person's crown?

Instead of pulling others down, why don't we help in fixing another person's crown? 👑👏

Shout out to all my ladies and hotties out there who work continuously everyday to keep their self-esteem up, while encouraging others to do the same as well. 🦸‍♂️🦸‍♀️

Let's all keep rocking! 👊

 Y = mX + b

This is the slope-intercept form method. I used it a lot in college.

But, as I grew older, I've realized, it can also be applicable to life. 🧩🎨

Let Y be the future success you're aiming for. But, the main variables are m, the slope which is your mindset & X which is yourself. 📝📈

Your level of success will always be dependent on your mindset & yourself. How much are you willing to grow to reach the highest slope which you are targetting to cross? 💯🏔️

Are you willing to go through the negatives in order to attain the positives in life? What kind of challenges are you willing to overcome to make the almost impossible happen? 👊⭐

Always remember that your mindset will multiply either the level of success you desire to achieve or the level of failure which you will encounter. It all starts with the mind. So, train it like any important asset you have. ✍️🧠

Most importantly, let b become the constant in your life. Let God be your most important constant, so that when you are at your level 0, your overall success will not amount to nothing. 0️⃣⭕☑️

God is your only absolute. All things like family, friends, lovers or self-love will perish and disappear in time. 🙏⌚

I think about life as a never ending equation. You choose what results will come after solving your problems. 😉👍

 Do you give up easily?

I do. That was me several years ago.

When I was in college, I've decided to leave PLM for good before my 4th year. Why? 🤷‍♂️

Because I'm no longer happy. 😔

I have taken a course which I never loved. And the same course had forbidden me from doing the one thing that I loved - - writing. ✍️

Unknown to my parents, I've applied for a writer stint in the 'Ang Pamantasan.' Luckily, I passed. 

But, the work required in PLM as an EcE student was difficult. I cannot afford to miss my classes because I was maintaining a GWA (general weighted average). It was required in my college course. 

The emotional struggle between doing what I need to do & what I love to do went on. It was difficult to stay because my academic work prevented me from doing my tasks as a protégé writer. 

So on my incoming fourth year, I've decided to exit PLM's doors. I have also received my last few failing marks because I just don't have the urge to continue. I still have a chance to stay but, I told my parents that I will never take it. 

While searching for a new school, I stumbled upon a humble place which did not give out the usual academic facade. Though, the bold letterings indicated it was indeed an educational institution, I wrestled with my thoughts but, decided to go in anyway. 

I went to the registrar & asked what requirements I should pass. I also showed my credentials & the subjects I have completed. She said it was alright, but I had to repeat some subjects due to missing credits. 

I have decided to continue my education here because it gave me a warm, homey feeling. It was the same intuition I had when I studied in UST. I have trusted my gut feel because I knew something good was coming. 

Months went on into my academic calendar. One day in my Solid Mensuration class, a tall lad came into our room and spoke with a booming voice. He introduced himself as Larry. 

They knocked first to ask permission from my teacher. 

Several students, boys and girls, marched in and introduced themselves. Marco went first and said he was the current editor-in-chief of that school's publication. Conrad, then incumbent News and Sports editor came next. Rex, took his turn and mentioned he was the Circulations Manager. 

Other support staff like Hector, Mabel and MK joined in the fun. It turned out they were looking for the next batch of TIP Voice staff, the current publication arm of the institution. 

The word 'publication' struck me. I used to be involved with our high school paper. My dream before was to get in 'The Varsitarian' by the time I became a college student. But, the inevitable twist came which led me to go for PLM instead. 

Never had I thought of continuing to pursue my dream as a writer in an engineering school. 

Oh, the irony! How can I even become a college writer in an institution which boasted of math and numbers? 🙄🔢

But, I became a college journalist. Unfortunately, I had to skip some of my classes to perform my work as a writer. 😝😝😝

I would literally be out sometimes in order to cover outside school events like business meetings, concerts and sports engagements. But, you know what's funny here? 😁😉

This time, I am able to pass my exams & subjects even when I miss my classes. My classmates would sometimes look at me weirdly when the teacher hands out the exam paper marked as 'passed.' 

What's the difference? It's because I am no longer torn between doing what I love to do & what I have to do. I can do both things at the same time without compromising my passion. 

But, being a student & college journalist imposed big challenges to my life. It required sacrifice & tolerance to pain in order to endure the hardships. 

Sometimes, I had to choose between studying for an exam or completing my articles. And, the only choice I have is to do BOTH. 

I wasn't really super chummy with my college classmates back then because I had to focus on my studies & publication work at the same time. 

So now, you ask, what's the lesson in the story? 

THE ONLY THING THAT WILL MAKE YOU STAY AMIDST THE CHALLENGES IS THE REASON WHY YOU ARE DOING IT. It's called 'purpose.'

If you don't know why you are doing something, you will eventually give up on it. But, if you know why you are doing something, you will stay & move forward even when the going gets tough.

So even when it was difficult to work as a college writer while doing academic stuff, I stayed on the course because I love what I'm doing. It's like fire that lit up my soul whenever I put words into this blank expanse. For most people, it is hard to understand why a person like me likes to string words together in order to tell a story or share my thoughts.

But, to me, writing is my passion. I love what I do! And it doesn't matter if most people do not understand me. What matters is that I feel free whenever I curve nonsensical words on this blank sheet.

Have you found what lights you up as a person? 😊🤔

 How do you keep yourself 'pumped' & 'active' on a typical workday?

Here are some useful tips which I do on a daily basis. I hope it helps in keeping your energy levels up and pumping everyday. 

1. Take a cup of coffee, black if possible. ☕

3-in-1 variants have a lot of sugar & will add to unnecessary weight in the future. Mind the amount of sugar you put in, too. 😊

Caffeine is a natural stimulant and keeps the mind active for a certain period of time. But, too much of a good thing is bad, too. Limit intake AT MOST to 2 cups per day & avoid taking coffee after 2 pm. You need to sleep as well! 

If you're not a coffee person, go for tea instead. 🍵

2. Stand up and move every hour. 🚶‍♂️🚶‍♀️

Movement promotes higher oxygen levels to the body. Oxygen helps in maintaining our focus and gives us a relaxed feeling. 

Have a pretty tight deadline to complete? You need more oxygen to help you remain focused and ready to take on those difficult tasks. 

3. Organize your workspace. 

I don't know about you but, I find it hard to work in a cluttered space. 😊 

Plus, it's easy when things you need are within reach and easy to find. Unnecessary movements like looking for something you need also affects attention and focus. 

3. Take stretch breaks. 

Back pain, headaches and muscular tension result from poor posture and prolonged sitting. Movement also promotes better blood circulation. 

Check out https://wellnomics.com for a trial version of simple office ergonomic exercises which you can do at home. 

Since most people are in a work from home setup nowadays, people are forgetting to move and take a leisurely walk during breaks. To compensate, you can do simple stretches now and then. 

4. Take breaks.

And that means taking your lunch when you have to!

I know we're all tempted to complete tasks at once even at the expense of missing meals. But, what people fail to realize is that they are compromising their health and productivity when skipping meals.

Nutrition plays an important role in keeping the mind sound and active. Plus, isn't it difficult to think on a grumbling stomach? 😉🍱

5. Get a good night's sleep.

Sleep plays an important role in wholistic body repair. Aside from keeping you healthy, it also allows you to keep your focus on the screen.

It also gives you a better mood and gets you ready for all of the challenges that a typical workday offers. 

6. Create your work playlist. 

I have a personal work playlist which I listen to while completing important SAP configuration or testing. It allows me to focus and do my work. 

A happy playlist keeps my energy up. Gloomy songs may put your mood down. 

But, if music is not your thing, a quiet workspace may do the job for you. 

That's it for me today & I'm hoping to add more to my working list. 

What's your favorite activity to keep you up & ready for a workday? Comment or share below because I would love to read your thoughts. 😊💯

 Today marks my official rebellion from my good girl image.

I guess for several years now, my aggressive side has been suppressed until it can't hold up anymore.

Fear has repressed that fighter side. I always chose to be responsible, always chose to be selfless, always chose to be understanding until I lost myself in the process.

I felt like this marks my rebellion against God as well. Though I don't know exactly what I should rebel with him in the first place. I guess, I really don't have plans of being an atheist. But, I wanted people to see that I am not a person to trample with. 

I have feelings. I have emotions. I have things that I have always wanted to express. And I guess, this is the point of getting this piercing in the first place. 

It hurts, honestly. In fact, I can feel it stinging a little. I don't know where I've taken the courage to get to that place in the first place. I have always admired people who have piercings here and there. 

And so, instead of watching, I've decided to get one as well. I'm not sure however, on how to maintain this well. 

So help me God. I really don't have plans of fighting against you. It's about time to show those people that I'm not someone to mess up with in the first place. 

 As you grow older, you begin to appreciate the peace and the quiet, to commune with the silence, listen to the rustling leaves and that voice within you saying, it will be okay. Trust in God's timing. Everything will fall into place. 

 Experimentation - - I have entered this phase of my life where I am no longer afraid to explore my options. Most people go through this stage when they were younger. In my case, however, it happened at the latter stage of my life.

Don't get me wrong. I am starting to explore things but, have not resorted to being wild or uncontrollable at this point. I just felt I can now fully trust myself in making risky, but, worth taking the risk decisions. Redundant, maybe, but it's the only best statement I can think of at the moment.

I have reached the point where I can comfortably move out of my comfort zone, pull my self even further to reach my courage zone and have that flexible leash extend even farther than my old, reserved self will allow me to. I can still feel myself bound by the way - - not by cowardice, but by my self-imposed principles, values and virtues because I am not afraid to choose what is right.

Ever since I have decided to enter the dating scene, I felt all forms of self-doubt and restriction getting loose and falling of the ground. It's really nice to talk to people. I can't wait to meet the next RJ who would ultimately stimulate my mind and allow me to talk about my hidden thoughts on things, relationships and friendship.

Honestly, I really miss RJ. I have been secretly checking when he will be available on Skype and see whether he is in the office. I miss our late night to morning chats. I miss talking freely to someone without fear of judgment or bias because he is also one bored soul who wants to find a diversion.

I guess it helps that we are similar in some ways. I pointed this out to him and emphasized it was our 'common ground,' the kind of connection that lets you go back to the reason why you keep coming back to the same person or group. I guess, it should have been like a shared interest. I wasn't really careful in disclosing parts of myself while speaking with him. I did regret ending things sooner. But, looking into the future made me realize, will it really be worth taking that risk of experiencing greater pain in the latter stage? 

So far, my attempts of finding a decent chatmate in Facebook dating are futile. The current guys I am seeing are mere likers and wouldn't really care shooting a little 'Hi' or 'Hello' to start the conversation. Most guys are really not good talkers. So, this made me miss RJ because he was an expert in this field.

There's something else I miss - - the feel of the pen on your fingers and hand while scribbling words continuously on an empty sheet of paper. I have prevented myself from documenting my thoughts on paper. I even planned transferring all my high school and college journal entries to my blog sites. I am thinking of the future. I won't be staying for long in our home. So, taking things with me while transferring to a different location would be a challenging task. 

But, it feels relaxing to look back at your old anecdotes. It reminds you of your innocent and naive self who never really cared about the world, its worries and close to impossible expectations. It feels so good to be a kid when you have no one to look out for but, yourself alone.

I'll leave my thoughts for now on this empty piece. I am currently deciding whether to transfer all past entries to this blog alone. 

   A few minutes from now, I'll be heading down to Puregold to make my mandatory toiletries and groceries purchase. The list has been created several days ago. I fumbled over it to see which items were necessary (as usual) and which can be replaced with things that cost less but, give more.

   While running over the food items, I've noticed a peculiar pattern. It's hard to admit that I've been conscious with what kind of food goes into my stomach. I'm not really dieting (though I'm planning to do so in the next few days). But, the conscious choice convinced me that yes, this is my way of loving myself.

   Loving yourself is not just minding what is on the outside. Most people think it's just aiming for #BodyGoals. So at the start of the year, gyms would normally be booked with people trying to lose weight and some sticking to a strict, calorie-counted diet to lose those precious pounds. People also look after the way they dress, act and for girls, their fancy makeup since they are conscious with what others had to say about their appearance. 

   In reality, these are important, but form only a parcel, not the entire part of the equation. 

   Loving yourself is minding what is on the inside, too. I am definitely not going to stop you from reaching your #BodyGoals. Looking after your health is one of those required ways to cherish what God has given you. But, your daily thoughts, emotions and outlook matters, too. 

   Just imagine a beatiful gift that comes with a grand packaging but, contains rotten stuff inside. You may be delighted to touch and open it due to the lovely covering. But, will later on be disappointed because of what you will then see. Applying to yourself would mean looking pretty outside due to high maintenance put on your physical attributes, but will end up lacking because of mental, spiritual and emotional decline. Sounds technical, right?

    In layman's idea, it just means not fully accepting yourself and letting others define who you really should be. The social media and entertainment industry are some of the culprits for dictating this kind of culture. And yes, the Korean shows bombarding the country are no doubt influencing the way kids and adults look and act these days.

  I'm not saying I hate Korean influencers. What I'm trying to point here is to be vigilant and filter the kind of things you allow yourself to be influenced with. As an avid Koreanovela spectator, I am fully aware of the kind of values some of these shows promote. There will be good ones, of course. But, some should be given careful thought and consideration before applying to yourself. 

   Your spiritual life matters, too. I'm not really a religious devout and will have to admit not attending masses every Sunday. Yes, I also lie, cheat, say cuss words and go on glutton feasting every now and then. These are just some of those sins I find myself guilty of when we talk about my spiritual state as a person. But, the kind of spirituality I am trying to point here is having a solid, free and loving relationship with God. It's finding inner solitude within you while your world goes on chaotic disarray around you. 

   Every now and then, I would find myself uttering a personal prayer to God just to say 'thank you' or 'to be with me' in my everyday spiritual journey. I am far from being spiritually mature, so I need to put extra effort to make this happen. I find prayers really helpful especially while going through the roughest and most painful times of my life. Now, I'll have to continuously pray because my heart is crushing and I don't know what to do. 

  The current state of the world is dictating a more materialistic rather than, simple way of life. I guess, what really matters is living according to what genuinely gives you joy. Following the norms is not the best way to live full out. 

It's not bad to listen to your inner voice and let that innocent child come out, brave and free to follow her dreams and explore the world around. 😊🦅

 Isa lang ang taong mamahalin ko at malamang ay patuloy na mamahalin sa mundo.

 Katahimikang pumailanlang sa kawalan,

Kaniig sa pag-iisa'y kalungkutan. 

Sa kawalan ng salita, nangibabaw ang pangungulila, 

Sa alaala ng iyong tinig, pag-ibig at mukha. 

Nawa sa pagpikit ng mga mata, 

Umabot ang panaginip sa kalangitan. 

Matiyagang kakatok sa nakatanikalang tarangkahan, 

Aabangan ang iyong pagsilip, sa tarangkahang nakapinid. 

At sa muli kong paggising, babaunin iyong ngiti. 

Kung maaari lang sanang 'di magising muli, 

Nais ko'y makasama sa habambuhay, giliw. 

Sa paghabi ng mga pangarap, pagpinta at pagkulay ng daigdig. 

Subalit ang makata'y 'di mawari ang hiwaga, 

At 'di magawang mabali ng katha ang mahika. 

Sapagkat ang hiwaga, Siya lamang ang nakauunawa, 

Dumurugo man ang puso, kusang maghihilom ang sugat.

 -- Raphaelle ( I. N. J.) 

(Para sa nag-iisa kong anghel. Happy 22nd Birthday!)

 (May 16, 2009)

"... I would give everything I own, Give up my life, my heart, my home. I would give everything I own, Just to have you back again."

-- Everything I Own, Bread

Life is the most unpredictable game I have ever played. Just when you thought the pieces are all in favor of you, a sudden move then turns the odds against you.There are things in life that happen without you being able to understand them. Sometimes, I would wish that God had an open line -- a literal one, so that I can contact him whenever there are things I don't understand. It was better if we were given a chance to consult him if we want one thing to happen or not. Won't that be the best way to live life? But then, no telephone, modem or LAN connection can physically connect us to God. Yet, I know a certain open line that would allow me to communicate with him -- PRAYER. If I have to write a thousand verses, lines and stories, say a million prayers and do penance every now and then, I would just for Him to be able to hear my broken heart. He had taken a very essential part of my being. That was YOU. And I will never stop until the moment comes that YOU and I are together again. You think I would surrender? Try me. -- Raphaelle (I.N.J.)

Comments from my already deleted account:

Goryo June 15, 2009 2:27 AM Ang lalim mo naman.. Sino ba ung tinutukoy mo dito? hehe osyosero si Goryo e noh?

Rcyan M. June 16, 2009 7:00 PM To GORYO: Isang taong malapit sa akin. Mahal na mahal ko pero nawala na siya. So sad, 'di ba?

Goryo August 19, 2009 7:53 AM Nasaan na cya? sino cya? cencya na makulit ako ganyan talaga pag nag-uulyanin na

princejuno October 7, 2009 5:25 AM i really miss skulings...E=mc2...i like that...Anong lugar sa pilipinas ang pinaka ayaw ng mga dentista...einstein also demonstrated between a twin, one sent to outer space and other remains here oon earth, when the twin form outer space came back his twin, already old...i think this is the best analogy...------thanks for answering my questions...pero hindi un ang sagot..hehesagot pa...Anong lugar sa pilipinas ang pinaka ayaw ng mga dentista

July 12, 2010 Isa lang ang taong mamahalin ko at malamang ay patuloy na mamahalin sa mundo. Walang iba kundi ikaw lang. Ikaw lang at wala ng iba. In pace requiescat.

July 12, 2010 Katahimikang pumailanlang sa kawalan, Kaniig sa pag-iisa'y kalungkutan. Sa kawalan ng salita, nangibabaw ang pangungulila, Sa alaala ng iyong tinig, pag-ibig at mukha. Nawa sa pagpikit ng mga mata, Umabot ang panaginip sa kalangitan. Matiyagang kakatok sa nakatanikalang tarangkahan, Aabangan ang iyong pagsilip, sa tarangkahang nakapinid. At sa muli kong paggising, babaunin iyong ngiti. Kung maaari lang sanang 'di magising muli, Nais ko'y makasama sa habambuhay, giliw. Sa paghabi ng mga pangarap, pagpinta at pagkulay ng daigdig. Subalit ang makata'y 'di mawari ang hiwaga, At 'di magawang mabali ng katha ang mahika. Sapagkat ang hiwaga, Siya lamang ang nakauunawa, Dumurugo man ang puso, kusang maghihilom ang sugat. -- Raphaelle ( I. N. J.) (Para sa nag-iisa kong anghel. Happy 22nd Birthday!)

(May 16, 2009) It was a usual routine for me traveling that familiar path from P. Casal street going to Arlegui. A few minutes later, I would then be seated at the back portion of the classroom to endure another hour of lecture in one of my summer subjects. It was typical for my teacher to share interesting facts about the world and environment just to drive away that cloud of boredom infesting our hot and crowded classroom. But, what he said that usual Friday, struck me unexpectedly. It began stirring familiar memories I have been longing to bury. This was his story. While aboard a train, the city's tower clock caught Albert Einstein's attention. His eyes were fixed on its face while he was carefully observing the movement of its two hands across each other. Suddenly, an idea sprang into his mind. While he was busy looking at the object, time had miraculously become longer for him. As science would explain, before our eyes see an object, light is reflected to that object and then bounces to our cornea making it visible to the eyes. Light had traveled a considerable amount of time before reaching us. Does the concept seem unfamiliar? Maybe seeing the equation would familiarize it to you. E = mc2 The said experience by Einstein gave birth to the THEORY OF RELATIVITY. My instructor then went on to explaining that in the universe, when astronauts travel the outer space, time is considerably longer for them because vacuum, as the perfect medium, allows the passage of light and traps it there. That would have to mean that once you travel outside, once you come back to the Earth, a considerable amount of time had already passed. The people you knew have already grown old and left you behind. Then, I realized, if ever I had one wish, it would be that we were just two souls living there outside the universe. If my wish were granted, then the moments we shared would be multiplied further. Maybe, until now, we would still be together. "... I would give everything I own, Give up my life, my heart, my home. I would give everything I own, Just to have you back again." -- Everything I Own, Bread Life is the most unpredictable game I have ever played. Just when you thought the pieces are all in favor of you, a sudden move then turns the odds against you.There are things in life that happen without you being able to understand them. Sometimes, I would wish that God had an open line -- a literal one, so that I can contact him whenever there are things I don't understand. It was better if we were given a chance to consult him if we want one thing to happen or not. Won't that be the best way to live life? But then, no telephone, modem or LAN connection can physically connect us to God. Yet, I know a certain open line that would allow me to communicate with him -- PRAYER. If I have to write a thousand verses, lines and stories, say a million prayers and do penance every now and then, I would just for Him to be able to hear my broken heart. He had taken a very essential part of my being. That was YOU. And I will never stop until the moment comes that YOU and I are together again. You think I would surrender? Try me. -- Raphaelle (I.N.J.) Comments from my already deleted account: Goryo June 15, 2009 2:27 AM Ang lalim mo naman.. Sino ba ung tinutukoy mo dito? hehe osyosero si Goryo e noh? Rcyan M. June 16, 2009 7:00 PM To GORYO: Isang taong malapit sa akin. Mahal na mahal ko pero nawala na siya. So sad, 'di ba? Goryo August 19, 2009 7:53 AM Nasaan na cya? sino cya? cencya na makulit ako ganyan talaga pag nag-uulyanin na princejuno October 7, 2009 5:25 AM i really miss skulings...E=mc2...i like that...Anong lugar sa pilipinas ang pinaka ayaw ng mga dentista...einstein also demonstrated between a twin, one sent to outer space and other remains here oon earth, when the twin form outer space came back his twin, already old...i think this is the best analogy...------thanks for answering my questions...pero hindi un ang sagot..hehesagot pa...Anong lugar sa pilipinas ang pinaka ayaw ng mga dentista

July 12, 2010 This blog account was created upon the inspiration given to me by the anime entitled Full Metal Alchemist. The story tells of two brothers whose love for each other made all things possible -- including breaking the sacred tradition to unite them together. Edward Elric, the youngest alchemist, made the biggest taboo in using alchemy -- he performed HUMAN TRANSMUTATION. Due to a sudden illness, their mother died and left them to take care of themselves. But the boys loved their mother dearly. They wanted her back. In an almost desperate move to make their mother return to them, Edward used his power to transmutate the element he can control -- Metal. While they were performing the ritual, Alphonse's body was taken as the collateral. Edward tried all his might to bring back his brother. However, he had only succeeded in pulling his brother's soul out of the underworld and placed it upon a metal armor. In exchange for that, his left arm was cut off. Alphonse , on the other hand, was forced to live a life without his body until they can find a way to break the punishment. So now, you ask, what connection does this entry have to the story which I cited? Simple. Like Edward, I am using the very power I have to bring things to life -- LITERATURE. I know I have lost you helplessly without warning. I know that there is no way I can find to bring you back to this world physically, but... I can revive your existence through my gift of letters. I love you and that very affection I hold dear in my heart is the very reason why I made this. This is your story. This is our story written through my eyes. I know that I will never be able to surpass your gift for words. However, love has its own way of beautifying even the simplest and vaguely detailed things. It becomes possible through a heart's SINCERITY. Hope this entry reaches you there in heaven. Read it and laugh your heart out loud if you want. Heaven is so lucky to have your laughter ringing through its walls.

May 27, 2019 Today I just had one of the best laughs of my life. The last one I had was a year ago, when one of my giggly girl teammates was still here. Thanks to the slight idiocy and naive nature of my guy teammate, I laughed to my heart's content unintentionally because of the comic situation we had. We just came from a meeting to discuss our current work status. A few hours ago, he decided to come in to work because he was expecting a delivery that day. The item was a nice miniature life-like Sasuke doll which looked like it came from Japan. The wrapping said it all. I've seen Japanese inscriptions outside the packaging. We were all busy with our stuff when he suddenly rummaged for his long anticipated "doll." Sasuke had disappeared all of a sudden and we had no clue where it was! He rummaged through all open drawers and went over every nook and station. Surprisingly, his newly-purchased doll was nowhere to be found. I am starting to get irritated because he was like a bewildered kid fidgeting around. He even came to me and asked if I'd seen his stuff. I said, "No," and even told him it's just somewhere there. When I reached the point where I can no longer stand his fidgeting and wandering, I have decided to get up and check with him. I looked straight at him and said, "Where did you place it," with little irritation sensed in my voice. I cannot focus with my work because I can hear him pulling the drawers and walking like a crazed man looking for hidden treasure. Then, something caught my left peripheral vision. I saw a miniature doll which resembled his possession. Then, I looked closer only to find out it had been sitting on our male lead's desk all along! I can't help blurting out a nice guffaw because of the unexpected situation. He already spent several minutes looking for his stuff. But, it took me only under a minute to spot his doll! The only phrase that came out of my mouth was, "Ewan ko sa'yo, JP," then went on another laughing spree which lasted about 10 to 15 minutes of my time. I really needed a good laugh that time. My team mates may not be aware but, I had been nursing a broken heart after my manager announced the tragic news. I know I will never be the same again the moment he leaves the office for good. This epic 'comic' memoir will be outnumbered by the frequency of crying sprees I'll be having while nursing my lonely heart. All I can say is, "Thank you, JP for bringing an unexpected light to my gloomy situation. I really needed it." I knew you have given this to me God. We have a long battle to get myself moving on to a better future you have planned for me.

March 28, 2019 You are human. And humans are born to feel. Is there a way to stop yourself from feeling the hurt and pain of losing someone? When you have little time to see that person's smile, hear his laughter or talk to you face to face with the bright sunshine on his eyes. I've been trying so hard to move through life, one day at a time, and put on a mask to let everyone see everything is alright. But beneath the calm facade, is a heart that is slowly breaking, bit by bit, knowing it will take time to heal before getting back to its once whole stage. He is leaving. And I don't have a choice but to watch him step out of the door, lost into oblivion, with our paths uncertain if they will ever cross in the coming days and years of our lives. Sometimes, there are just people who for some reason, become a special part of your life. Even when you are just watching them from afar. I have always wanted to make that first move. But, was afraid to be misunderstood and taken too easy in this patriarchal society we have. It is during this time that I wish I were a man. By then, I can get rid of the social stigma labelling women as easy when they make their first move toward their man. But, our positions have been interchanged. He was the man and I was the woman. And, my man is not moving though I've been praying for the past 2 years for him to initiate a plan. Ok. I get it. I guess he just doesn't seem interested at all. But, if I were the man in this instance, I will certainly do everything to win the heart of my woman. And if he were the woman, I will not just watch her walk away without doing anything for her to notice me. I wish you were the woman and I am the man. Because, if you were in my place, I would court you, give you my time and comfort, give you enough space to breath and enough distance to let you call me when you need someone to give you peace. I will call you. I will text you. Say sweet nothings to you. But most importantly, I would pray for you and with you when the toughest trials come beating you black and blue. I will be your shoulder to cry on when you can't stop the tears from flowing. I will give you a hug to keep your heart warm through the good and bad times of life. I will be your water when you feel thirsty for love and affection. I will be your most trusted confidante and bestfriend when you need a breather from the everyday toxicity of life. But, you were the man. And, you have chosen to just watch me without doing a thing. You don't know how many times I've wanted to cry on your shoulder and hug you especially when I miss you the most. You don't know how much I've wanted to offer my shoulder as well when I see you down and lonely and lost without direction. You don't know how many times I've watched you look throughout the window as if asking for enough space to breath when you feel suffocated and alone. And yes, I were the woman. Who had no choice but see you move on and leave without saying a word. Who can only cry helplessly every single day and night knowing how much I'll miss you. You don't know how much I am dying to hear you say you won't leave and you will just stay. But, I am not a selfish beast. I know you have your reasons for making this decision. And I can only wish you the best as you move through your next stages in life. But, things could have been so much better if at least we knew we care for each other. If, instead of just leaving me a glance or watching me intently, you would say the things you have in mind. I don't know exactly what to say when you look at me like that. Sorry, I also need to be honest because it's hard to laugh when you start cracking corny jokes and remarks. Your corny jokes won't stop me from loving or caring for you, though. If you have chosen to just say what you've always wanted and not just leave me hanging searching for clues to understand your actions, then we could have been counting days, months or even years together. Stop being cavalier and act like my future man. I am ready to love and accept you for who you are.