Experimentation - - I have entered this phase of my life where I am no longer afraid to explore my options. Most people go through this stage when they were younger. In my case, however, it happened at the latter stage of my life.
Don't get me wrong. I am starting to explore things but, have not resorted to being wild or uncontrollable at this point. I just felt I can now fully trust myself in making risky, but, worth taking the risk decisions. Redundant, maybe, but it's the only best statement I can think of at the moment.
I have reached the point where I can comfortably move out of my comfort zone, pull my self even further to reach my courage zone and have that flexible leash extend even farther than my old, reserved self will allow me to. I can still feel myself bound by the way - - not by cowardice, but by my self-imposed principles, values and virtues because I am not afraid to choose what is right.
Ever since I have decided to enter the dating scene, I felt all forms of self-doubt and restriction getting loose and falling off the ground. It's really nice to talk to people. I can't wait to meet the next RJ who would ultimately stimulate my mind and allow me to talk about my hidden thoughts on things, relationships and friendship.
Honestly, I really miss RJ. I have been secretly checking when he will be available on Skype and see whether he is in the office. I miss our late night to morning chats. I miss talking freely to someone without fear of judgment or bias because he is also one bored soul who wants to find a diversion.
I guess it helps that we are similar in some ways. I pointed this out to him and emphasized it was our 'common ground,' the kind of connection that lets you go back to the reason why you keep coming back to the same person or group. I guess, it should have been like a shared interest. I wasn't really careful in disclosing parts of myself while speaking with him. I did regret ending things sooner. But, looking into the future made me realize, will it really be worth taking that risk of experiencing greater pain in the latter stage?
So far, my attempts of finding a decent chatmate in Facebook dating are futile. The current guys I am seeing are mere likers and wouldn't really care shooting a little 'Hi' or 'Hello' to start the conversation. Most guys are really not good talkers. So, this made me miss RJ because he was an expert in this field.
There's something else I miss - - the feel of the pen on your fingers and hand while scribbling words continuously on an empty sheet of paper. I have prevented myself from documenting my thoughts on paper. I even planned transferring all my high school and college journal entries to my blog sites. I am thinking of the future. I won't be staying for long in our home. So, taking things with me while transferring to a different location would be a challenging task.
But, it feels relaxing to look back at your old anecdotes. It reminds you of your innocent and naive self who never really cared about the world, its worries and close to impossible expectations. It feels so good to be a kid when you have no one to look out for but, yourself alone.
I'll leave my thoughts for now on this empty piece. I am currently deciding whether to transfer all past entries to this blog alone.
Don't get me wrong. I am starting to explore things but, have not resorted to being wild or uncontrollable at this point. I just felt I can now fully trust myself in making risky, but, worth taking the risk decisions. Redundant, maybe, but it's the only best statement I can think of at the moment.
I have reached the point where I can comfortably move out of my comfort zone, pull my self even further to reach my courage zone and have that flexible leash extend even farther than my old, reserved self will allow me to. I can still feel myself bound by the way - - not by cowardice, but by my self-imposed principles, values and virtues because I am not afraid to choose what is right.
Ever since I have decided to enter the dating scene, I felt all forms of self-doubt and restriction getting loose and falling off the ground. It's really nice to talk to people. I can't wait to meet the next RJ who would ultimately stimulate my mind and allow me to talk about my hidden thoughts on things, relationships and friendship.
Honestly, I really miss RJ. I have been secretly checking when he will be available on Skype and see whether he is in the office. I miss our late night to morning chats. I miss talking freely to someone without fear of judgment or bias because he is also one bored soul who wants to find a diversion.
I guess it helps that we are similar in some ways. I pointed this out to him and emphasized it was our 'common ground,' the kind of connection that lets you go back to the reason why you keep coming back to the same person or group. I guess, it should have been like a shared interest. I wasn't really careful in disclosing parts of myself while speaking with him. I did regret ending things sooner. But, looking into the future made me realize, will it really be worth taking that risk of experiencing greater pain in the latter stage?
So far, my attempts of finding a decent chatmate in Facebook dating are futile. The current guys I am seeing are mere likers and wouldn't really care shooting a little 'Hi' or 'Hello' to start the conversation. Most guys are really not good talkers. So, this made me miss RJ because he was an expert in this field.
There's something else I miss - - the feel of the pen on your fingers and hand while scribbling words continuously on an empty sheet of paper. I have prevented myself from documenting my thoughts on paper. I even planned transferring all my high school and college journal entries to my blog sites. I am thinking of the future. I won't be staying for long in our home. So, taking things with me while transferring to a different location would be a challenging task.
But, it feels relaxing to look back at your old anecdotes. It reminds you of your innocent and naive self who never really cared about the world, its worries and close to impossible expectations. It feels so good to be a kid when you have no one to look out for but, yourself alone.
I'll leave my thoughts for now on this empty piece. I am currently deciding whether to transfer all past entries to this blog alone.
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