**Random Musing last 12/28/2018
I am now in my 2nd official day of being away from my family. After all the excitement and happenings, I suddenly felt the drop of emotions from climax to bottom.
Surprisingly, I couldn't help missing my family. I have never been away from them for a maximum of 2 days. Since I left the house last Thursday night, I couldn't help but miss my mom's explosive bickerings during weekends, my siblings' presence and my occasional chats with them, my father's OC explanations on how to do things and most importantly, my nephew's cute stories and sweet cuddling when I am in the comfort of home.
I am literally in a comfortable place, surrounded by beautiful sceneries, with a rather cool weather and adventures waiting right outside the door. But, when all the excitement drowned out, there is this strange feeling of loneliness in my heart. It is telling me in soft words, "This is not my home."
I am now 31 years old but, I feel like sobbing like a 5-year old kid. I really, really miss my family. I've known for a fact that the main reason why I do not leave the house is because I am scared of leaving them. I have never seen myself away from them.
But, time and again, the desire to marry my future husband and raise my future child knocks softly in my heart. The fondness I feel whenever I see a little kid in sight grows slowly every single day.
Ironically, I have never really given my relationship status careful thought. I would always tell myself that I want a boyfriend and a future husband but, never really dared to date good guys around me. Whenever someone showed signs of being interested with me beyond friendship, panic would start striking me making me flee away from the guy who wants to get to know me.
I am single until today because I have never decided to be courageous and meet good guys out there. I am single because my definition of a home is one which has my biological family in it. I am single because I couldn't get myself away from the shadow of being my parents' child. I am single because I cannot get myself to become mature enough to face the decisions of a woman.
But, I am now a full-fledged woman whose youth is slowly dwindling away. I want to use my current strength and character to take care of my future boyfriend, lover and husband. But, I am still a child hidden in the body of a woman. I am still a young kid who gets scared of making the wrong decisions for fear of being scolded by her parents.
I have just realized full faced today that I am trapped in a situation that I have chosen on my own. Because, the kid in me never wanted to grow up, she had forsaken herself those experiences that a woman her age should have gone through.
So I have finally decided once and for all to go for that breakthrough. I have just installed the MeetMe App on my cellphone to meet guys around me. Somebody just sent me a message today. I didn't hesitate to give my Hi to him.
It's about time to drive my attention away from Raymond. I am not seeing he has interest in me. I need to open myself to people more so I can see other options before me.
2 comments:
uy kumusta ka na.....na miss ko blog mo..minsan na rin lang ako mag blog..busy din kasi lagi..sa ganda mong iyan single ka pa rin.....
Wow. Salamat Arvin. Siguro may mga taong nilaan talaga para maging single ni Lord. 😊 Kasi baka may ibang dahilan kung bakit sila nabubuhay sa mundo.
Pero kung may chance magkaroon ng relasyon, bakit hindi di ba? Ayoko lang ipilit kung hindi pa panahon.
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