Personal ANNecdotes

 Isa lang ang taong mamahalin ko at malamang ay patuloy na mamahalin sa mundo.

 Katahimikang pumailanlang sa kawalan,

Kaniig sa pag-iisa'y kalungkutan. 

Sa kawalan ng salita, nangibabaw ang pangungulila, 

Sa alaala ng iyong tinig, pag-ibig at mukha. 

Nawa sa pagpikit ng mga mata, 

Umabot ang panaginip sa kalangitan. 

Matiyagang kakatok sa nakatanikalang tarangkahan, 

Aabangan ang iyong pagsilip, sa tarangkahang nakapinid. 

At sa muli kong paggising, babaunin iyong ngiti. 

Kung maaari lang sanang 'di magising muli, 

Nais ko'y makasama sa habambuhay, giliw. 

Sa paghabi ng mga pangarap, pagpinta at pagkulay ng daigdig. 

Subalit ang makata'y 'di mawari ang hiwaga, 

At 'di magawang mabali ng katha ang mahika. 

Sapagkat ang hiwaga, Siya lamang ang nakauunawa, 

Dumurugo man ang puso, kusang maghihilom ang sugat.

 -- Raphaelle ( I. N. J.) 

(Para sa nag-iisa kong anghel. Happy 22nd Birthday!)

 (May 16, 2009)

"... I would give everything I own, Give up my life, my heart, my home. I would give everything I own, Just to have you back again."

-- Everything I Own, Bread

Life is the most unpredictable game I have ever played. Just when you thought the pieces are all in favor of you, a sudden move then turns the odds against you.There are things in life that happen without you being able to understand them. Sometimes, I would wish that God had an open line -- a literal one, so that I can contact him whenever there are things I don't understand. It was better if we were given a chance to consult him if we want one thing to happen or not. Won't that be the best way to live life? But then, no telephone, modem or LAN connection can physically connect us to God. Yet, I know a certain open line that would allow me to communicate with him -- PRAYER. If I have to write a thousand verses, lines and stories, say a million prayers and do penance every now and then, I would just for Him to be able to hear my broken heart. He had taken a very essential part of my being. That was YOU. And I will never stop until the moment comes that YOU and I are together again. You think I would surrender? Try me. -- Raphaelle (I.N.J.)

Comments from my already deleted account:

Goryo June 15, 2009 2:27 AM Ang lalim mo naman.. Sino ba ung tinutukoy mo dito? hehe osyosero si Goryo e noh?

Rcyan M. June 16, 2009 7:00 PM To GORYO: Isang taong malapit sa akin. Mahal na mahal ko pero nawala na siya. So sad, 'di ba?

Goryo August 19, 2009 7:53 AM Nasaan na cya? sino cya? cencya na makulit ako ganyan talaga pag nag-uulyanin na

princejuno October 7, 2009 5:25 AM i really miss skulings...E=mc2...i like that...Anong lugar sa pilipinas ang pinaka ayaw ng mga dentista...einstein also demonstrated between a twin, one sent to outer space and other remains here oon earth, when the twin form outer space came back his twin, already old...i think this is the best analogy...------thanks for answering my questions...pero hindi un ang sagot..hehesagot pa...Anong lugar sa pilipinas ang pinaka ayaw ng mga dentista

July 12, 2010 Isa lang ang taong mamahalin ko at malamang ay patuloy na mamahalin sa mundo. Walang iba kundi ikaw lang. Ikaw lang at wala ng iba. In pace requiescat.

July 12, 2010 Katahimikang pumailanlang sa kawalan, Kaniig sa pag-iisa'y kalungkutan. Sa kawalan ng salita, nangibabaw ang pangungulila, Sa alaala ng iyong tinig, pag-ibig at mukha. Nawa sa pagpikit ng mga mata, Umabot ang panaginip sa kalangitan. Matiyagang kakatok sa nakatanikalang tarangkahan, Aabangan ang iyong pagsilip, sa tarangkahang nakapinid. At sa muli kong paggising, babaunin iyong ngiti. Kung maaari lang sanang 'di magising muli, Nais ko'y makasama sa habambuhay, giliw. Sa paghabi ng mga pangarap, pagpinta at pagkulay ng daigdig. Subalit ang makata'y 'di mawari ang hiwaga, At 'di magawang mabali ng katha ang mahika. Sapagkat ang hiwaga, Siya lamang ang nakauunawa, Dumurugo man ang puso, kusang maghihilom ang sugat. -- Raphaelle ( I. N. J.) (Para sa nag-iisa kong anghel. Happy 22nd Birthday!)

(May 16, 2009) It was a usual routine for me traveling that familiar path from P. Casal street going to Arlegui. A few minutes later, I would then be seated at the back portion of the classroom to endure another hour of lecture in one of my summer subjects. It was typical for my teacher to share interesting facts about the world and environment just to drive away that cloud of boredom infesting our hot and crowded classroom. But, what he said that usual Friday, struck me unexpectedly. It began stirring familiar memories I have been longing to bury. This was his story. While aboard a train, the city's tower clock caught Albert Einstein's attention. His eyes were fixed on its face while he was carefully observing the movement of its two hands across each other. Suddenly, an idea sprang into his mind. While he was busy looking at the object, time had miraculously become longer for him. As science would explain, before our eyes see an object, light is reflected to that object and then bounces to our cornea making it visible to the eyes. Light had traveled a considerable amount of time before reaching us. Does the concept seem unfamiliar? Maybe seeing the equation would familiarize it to you. E = mc2 The said experience by Einstein gave birth to the THEORY OF RELATIVITY. My instructor then went on to explaining that in the universe, when astronauts travel the outer space, time is considerably longer for them because vacuum, as the perfect medium, allows the passage of light and traps it there. That would have to mean that once you travel outside, once you come back to the Earth, a considerable amount of time had already passed. The people you knew have already grown old and left you behind. Then, I realized, if ever I had one wish, it would be that we were just two souls living there outside the universe. If my wish were granted, then the moments we shared would be multiplied further. Maybe, until now, we would still be together. "... I would give everything I own, Give up my life, my heart, my home. I would give everything I own, Just to have you back again." -- Everything I Own, Bread Life is the most unpredictable game I have ever played. Just when you thought the pieces are all in favor of you, a sudden move then turns the odds against you.There are things in life that happen without you being able to understand them. Sometimes, I would wish that God had an open line -- a literal one, so that I can contact him whenever there are things I don't understand. It was better if we were given a chance to consult him if we want one thing to happen or not. Won't that be the best way to live life? But then, no telephone, modem or LAN connection can physically connect us to God. Yet, I know a certain open line that would allow me to communicate with him -- PRAYER. If I have to write a thousand verses, lines and stories, say a million prayers and do penance every now and then, I would just for Him to be able to hear my broken heart. He had taken a very essential part of my being. That was YOU. And I will never stop until the moment comes that YOU and I are together again. You think I would surrender? Try me. -- Raphaelle (I.N.J.) Comments from my already deleted account: Goryo June 15, 2009 2:27 AM Ang lalim mo naman.. Sino ba ung tinutukoy mo dito? hehe osyosero si Goryo e noh? Rcyan M. June 16, 2009 7:00 PM To GORYO: Isang taong malapit sa akin. Mahal na mahal ko pero nawala na siya. So sad, 'di ba? Goryo August 19, 2009 7:53 AM Nasaan na cya? sino cya? cencya na makulit ako ganyan talaga pag nag-uulyanin na princejuno October 7, 2009 5:25 AM i really miss skulings...E=mc2...i like that...Anong lugar sa pilipinas ang pinaka ayaw ng mga dentista...einstein also demonstrated between a twin, one sent to outer space and other remains here oon earth, when the twin form outer space came back his twin, already old...i think this is the best analogy...------thanks for answering my questions...pero hindi un ang sagot..hehesagot pa...Anong lugar sa pilipinas ang pinaka ayaw ng mga dentista

July 12, 2010 This blog account was created upon the inspiration given to me by the anime entitled Full Metal Alchemist. The story tells of two brothers whose love for each other made all things possible -- including breaking the sacred tradition to unite them together. Edward Elric, the youngest alchemist, made the biggest taboo in using alchemy -- he performed HUMAN TRANSMUTATION. Due to a sudden illness, their mother died and left them to take care of themselves. But the boys loved their mother dearly. They wanted her back. In an almost desperate move to make their mother return to them, Edward used his power to transmutate the element he can control -- Metal. While they were performing the ritual, Alphonse's body was taken as the collateral. Edward tried all his might to bring back his brother. However, he had only succeeded in pulling his brother's soul out of the underworld and placed it upon a metal armor. In exchange for that, his left arm was cut off. Alphonse , on the other hand, was forced to live a life without his body until they can find a way to break the punishment. So now, you ask, what connection does this entry have to the story which I cited? Simple. Like Edward, I am using the very power I have to bring things to life -- LITERATURE. I know I have lost you helplessly without warning. I know that there is no way I can find to bring you back to this world physically, but... I can revive your existence through my gift of letters. I love you and that very affection I hold dear in my heart is the very reason why I made this. This is your story. This is our story written through my eyes. I know that I will never be able to surpass your gift for words. However, love has its own way of beautifying even the simplest and vaguely detailed things. It becomes possible through a heart's SINCERITY. Hope this entry reaches you there in heaven. Read it and laugh your heart out loud if you want. Heaven is so lucky to have your laughter ringing through its walls.

May 27, 2019 Today I just had one of the best laughs of my life. The last one I had was a year ago, when one of my giggly girl teammates was still here. Thanks to the slight idiocy and naive nature of my guy teammate, I laughed to my heart's content unintentionally because of the comic situation we had. We just came from a meeting to discuss our current work status. A few hours ago, he decided to come in to work because he was expecting a delivery that day. The item was a nice miniature life-like Sasuke doll which looked like it came from Japan. The wrapping said it all. I've seen Japanese inscriptions outside the packaging. We were all busy with our stuff when he suddenly rummaged for his long anticipated "doll." Sasuke had disappeared all of a sudden and we had no clue where it was! He rummaged through all open drawers and went over every nook and station. Surprisingly, his newly-purchased doll was nowhere to be found. I am starting to get irritated because he was like a bewildered kid fidgeting around. He even came to me and asked if I'd seen his stuff. I said, "No," and even told him it's just somewhere there. When I reached the point where I can no longer stand his fidgeting and wandering, I have decided to get up and check with him. I looked straight at him and said, "Where did you place it," with little irritation sensed in my voice. I cannot focus with my work because I can hear him pulling the drawers and walking like a crazed man looking for hidden treasure. Then, something caught my left peripheral vision. I saw a miniature doll which resembled his possession. Then, I looked closer only to find out it had been sitting on our male lead's desk all along! I can't help blurting out a nice guffaw because of the unexpected situation. He already spent several minutes looking for his stuff. But, it took me only under a minute to spot his doll! The only phrase that came out of my mouth was, "Ewan ko sa'yo, JP," then went on another laughing spree which lasted about 10 to 15 minutes of my time. I really needed a good laugh that time. My team mates may not be aware but, I had been nursing a broken heart after my manager announced the tragic news. I know I will never be the same again the moment he leaves the office for good. This epic 'comic' memoir will be outnumbered by the frequency of crying sprees I'll be having while nursing my lonely heart. All I can say is, "Thank you, JP for bringing an unexpected light to my gloomy situation. I really needed it." I knew you have given this to me God. We have a long battle to get myself moving on to a better future you have planned for me.

March 28, 2019 You are human. And humans are born to feel. Is there a way to stop yourself from feeling the hurt and pain of losing someone? When you have little time to see that person's smile, hear his laughter or talk to you face to face with the bright sunshine on his eyes. I've been trying so hard to move through life, one day at a time, and put on a mask to let everyone see everything is alright. But beneath the calm facade, is a heart that is slowly breaking, bit by bit, knowing it will take time to heal before getting back to its once whole stage. He is leaving. And I don't have a choice but to watch him step out of the door, lost into oblivion, with our paths uncertain if they will ever cross in the coming days and years of our lives. Sometimes, there are just people who for some reason, become a special part of your life. Even when you are just watching them from afar. I have always wanted to make that first move. But, was afraid to be misunderstood and taken too easy in this patriarchal society we have. It is during this time that I wish I were a man. By then, I can get rid of the social stigma labelling women as easy when they make their first move toward their man. But, our positions have been interchanged. He was the man and I was the woman. And, my man is not moving though I've been praying for the past 2 years for him to initiate a plan. Ok. I get it. I guess he just doesn't seem interested at all. But, if I were the man in this instance, I will certainly do everything to win the heart of my woman. And if he were the woman, I will not just watch her walk away without doing anything for her to notice me. I wish you were the woman and I am the man. Because, if you were in my place, I would court you, give you my time and comfort, give you enough space to breath and enough distance to let you call me when you need someone to give you peace. I will call you. I will text you. Say sweet nothings to you. But most importantly, I would pray for you and with you when the toughest trials come beating you black and blue. I will be your shoulder to cry on when you can't stop the tears from flowing. I will give you a hug to keep your heart warm through the good and bad times of life. I will be your water when you feel thirsty for love and affection. I will be your most trusted confidante and bestfriend when you need a breather from the everyday toxicity of life. But, you were the man. And, you have chosen to just watch me without doing a thing. You don't know how many times I've wanted to cry on your shoulder and hug you especially when I miss you the most. You don't know how much I've wanted to offer my shoulder as well when I see you down and lonely and lost without direction. You don't know how many times I've watched you look throughout the window as if asking for enough space to breath when you feel suffocated and alone. And yes, I were the woman. Who had no choice but see you move on and leave without saying a word. Who can only cry helplessly every single day and night knowing how much I'll miss you. You don't know how much I am dying to hear you say you won't leave and you will just stay. But, I am not a selfish beast. I know you have your reasons for making this decision. And I can only wish you the best as you move through your next stages in life. But, things could have been so much better if at least we knew we care for each other. If, instead of just leaving me a glance or watching me intently, you would say the things you have in mind. I don't know exactly what to say when you look at me like that. Sorry, I also need to be honest because it's hard to laugh when you start cracking corny jokes and remarks. Your corny jokes won't stop me from loving or caring for you, though. If you have chosen to just say what you've always wanted and not just leave me hanging searching for clues to understand your actions, then we could have been counting days, months or even years together. Stop being cavalier and act like my future man. I am ready to love and accept you for who you are.

March 28, 2019 Not another sentimental post Just plain reality hitting you in the face People come and go. It's a sad but, hard reality. It's one of those strong one-liners that produce a gut-wrenching impact whenever you hear it. Like a strong jab that hits your stomach and successfully paralyzes you once it gets to you. It's also one of those lines who people who believe in FOREVER don't want to listen to. There is no such thing as "forever." I don't want to burst your mental bubble. But, we have to stick to the truth. You may be lucky enough to be with that person for a long time. But, things in this physical realm will always remain FINITE. Before I continue, let me make things clear here. I am not a VERBAL SADIST. I did not make this anecdote to kill romance, passion, positivity or hope. In fact, my previous experience 10 years ago after losing a dear friend opened my eyes to the cruel reality of life. Our time on this Earth is finite. And even if we are not going to pass yet from the physical to the spiritual realm, our moments with the people around us will have their own beginnings, as well as endings. But, what I am certain of is that all those people you meet, mingle or talk with have a certain purpose for coming into your life. They don't necessarily have to be in your inner, closest circle. Sometimes, those individuals whom you seldomly interact or associate with can leave a significant and indelible mark in your life. They may be there to serve as company, become your mentor, guide you in those darkest moments or protect you at your worst. There will be others who will challenge you, ridicule you, discourage you or betray you and you'll be left asking why things had to happen that way. But, behind every challenge is strengthening of the soul. Behind every ridicule is the desire to prove your worth and better yourself more than what others had expected. Behind every discouragement is the fire to keep your fervor burning to keep on going and fighting for your ideals and dreams. Behind every betrayal is hope of finding a new reason to believe and trust without wavering and doubt. So even if your personal relationships turn out to be worse, it will become necessary molding of your heart and soul. Every personal interaction comes with an inevitable impact. The law of interaction states that, "for every corresponding action, there is an equal and opposite reaction." I don't mean to sound like another Physics instructor. Yet, we all reciprocate how others treat us in one way or another. Sometimes, the need to reciprocate draws us closer. Sometimes, it moves us further from each other. But, when people continue to talk, move and act together, an inevitable bond called "friendship," "love" and "trust" takes into place. This is where the complication comes in. Knowing all relationships are finite sets the caution mode on for those who have learned the hard way. There will always be warning bells on standby, ready for ringing should the ending approach at its vicinity. Should this stop you from making closer bonds and interacting with other people? Should this stop you from opening your heart and becoming vulnerable because you are afraid to get hurt and become a victim again? The answer would definitely be "NO." Because the true essence of every relationship is not the yesterday but, the NOW. Cherish these moments now. Don't be afraid to jump into the current and fall helplessly into that dive. You will never know for how long will that NOW last. God knows but, tomorrow could be your last... You may be lucky to spend time together for at least a month, several months, a year or several years from now. But, when it's time for the other to go, the inevitable happens and the moments will just dwindle like ashes blown by the wind. Even if we also know how hard it is to lose a beloved one, nothing could ever prepare you for the emotional impact. It is a known fact that we are all HUMAN. And one clear distinction which classified as under this type is the ability to feel - - not just the pain, but the happiness, loveliness and joy of loving someone. So even if loving entails to hurting when you lose that special someone, I will not stop loving that person because the pain is all worth it. Tears will come and go as they please. But, it will also wash away the sorrow that is crippling me. What really matters is not the yesterday but, the TODAY. Because today is also the foundation of the many tomorrows with that special someone. We may not have a forever, but there will always be a "lifetime." Enough to hug, kiss, and make love to that one person whom you see yourself growing old with for the rest of your life. To end this musing, let me just quote the famous line said by Keanu Reeves in the movie "The City of Angels." I’d rather have one breath of her hair, one kiss of her mouth, one touch of her hand. Than an eternity without it. One.

March 18, 2019 Of Appalling Figures and Numbers The Financial Literacy Madness I was planning to sleep early today to prepare for tomorrow's battle. The onslaught will be heavy since I am required to make up for lost time while teaching for a bootcamp next week. Enter my sister who asked for my help in proofreading her term paper. Honestly, I ended up doing some of the hefty work since she wasn't really patient when it comes to paperworks. Surprisingly, her topic centered on one of those which I am particularly interested on - - FINANCIAL LITERACY. And the words from her research articles hit me like home. 1 percent - - that's the total number of the population who religiously invests and makes passive income in the stock market. While our country is lucky enough to have the youngest demographics in the world, 41 percent of the current millenial generation do not know the importance of saving and allocating funds for the future. Imagine having an average of at least 23 years old joining the workforce. In my current industry, we have at least 20-year old fresh grads coming in to the team. Imagine if this group would work on saving, then later on investing to improve their current financial state. The number of these individuals could help raise the current economic state of their country. Needless to say, the government and some private institutions have been continuously working to open the eyes of this sect of the population to become financially literate. Some of these institutions include, but are not limited to, the Bangko Sentral ng Pilipinas (BSP), Colfinancial Group, BDO and BPI. Similarly, insurance companies such as Sunlife of Canada Inc. and Pru Life UK promoted insurance policies to these yuppies in hopes of investing their hard earned money for a better future. I would have to say that I am part of those who learned about saving and investing a little bit late in my life. I know for a fact that saving is important to keep some funds for the rainy days. However, as time progressed, life made me realize the reality of inflation. Savings in one's bank account will decrease in value over time due to the continued increase of prices, especially on basic commodities and services. Enter my sister again who had decided to become financially literate and introduced a well-known investment vehicle - - Colfinancial Group Inc. The company was first known to me as Citisec Online. I have been following Bo Sanchez since college and he talked about this SEC-certified investment company several years ago. What appealed to me for joining Colfinancial was the idea of cost averaging method. The concept was simple - - you purchase stocks for a given company over time and watch your money grow exponentially as it progresses. Another appealing term was exponential. This meant you don't have fixed growth. Rather, your investment may boom to at least twice, triple or more than quadruple your base investment over time. Amazing, right? But, there will be highs and lows. For a given month or months, the value of your stocks may increase or decrease depending on the performance of the stock market. Some individuals recommended going for stocks owned by companies foreseen to be surviving up to 50 years and hence. Honestly, I am not an expert in this niche. I can go over the jargons and explain them in text book definition. But, my blog post is not dedicated to infiltrate you with stock market jargons. I was aiming to rub in the idea of the appalling figures seen on my sister's research. The main goal of financial literacy is to promote saving for the future. Surprisingly, a 2017 research from BSP cited 77 per cent of the current population remain unbanked these days. 52 percent of the same study group had no savings to work with from the start. The slim figures may be attributed to the lack of banking facilities and offices in rural and remote areas. Some of these folks had to travel several miles in order to get to the nearest bank in their area. Hopefully, the technological advancement we have nowadays can help promote online banking. The government needs to understand the limitations of physical banking services in these far flung areas as well. I was truly amazed and disappointed at the same time while going over my sister's research. It made me realize that the Philippines has a long way to go before obtaining financial freedom. In a land where the parents treat their children as investments and have little regard for their future financial wellness, it is not surprising to see why the millenial generation had not been taught well to save and invest for their future. And while we remain having the "one-day millionaire mindset, " it wouldn't be a surprise if in the coming years, the same tradition of parents making their children their future investment will continue to prevail. I am not saying we should forget the value of "debt of gratitude." Yet, how long are we planning to live this sickening tradition? The generation nowadays is slowly opening their eyes and have become aware of the currently prevailing financial mindset we have on the country. It can be observed that most couples or singles choose to establish financial stability prior to entering marriage. Marriage is not a state of euphoria - - it's a solid decision with real and crucial responsibilities that come along with it. Daily expenses and budget, child birth and pregnancy, monthly checkups, sickness and death are expected just to name a few. Here is looking forward to a more financially literate nation in the coming years ahead. For now, the basic thing is to stick on generating savings. You can invest when you have more than enough on your plate.

March 12, 2019 Thoughts on Minimalism and How It Served Me Well The first time I came across the word minimalism was through an afternoon news and affairs show while having lunch with family. The word stuck because it was used to describe the fashion sense that a newbie, young actress had earning her a good thousand plus followers on Instagram. I looked closely at her photos and found mostly a liking for a black, white or combination of both in terms of clothing ensemble. Nothing fancy. Looked neat with less accessories, less patterns and had a classical, elegant feel nonetheless. Her name was Gabbie. And thanks to her, I have finally convinced myself that having mostly black and white items for clothing is not stereotypical enough to be called an emo. I mostly have black shirts and polos because I found them easy to blend with almost anything. The color choice was not limited to clothing. I also preferred black rubber shoes or footwear due to the same reason. No fumbling over the mirror to see if it goes well with my top. Plus, it's easier to wash and takes longer to look dirty than the light colored ones. Time progressed and I later on discovered minimalism wasn't limited to just fashion. It's a lifestyle. The word denoted using less and preferring purchase items which take longer before wear and tear took over. I have also recently watched a Youtube clip about a woman who talked about things she no longer bought after becoming a minimalist. So, you know what actually sparked the creation of this anecdote. Quality over quantity - - it was the main theme of my routinary grocery purchase and preference when it came to most items. I also look closely at labels and descriptions to see which is more economical and gives more value to your money. Branded item purchases are mostly limited to shoes and footwear. People wouldn't really care if you have branded tops or shirts. But, quality footwear matters because it affects your everyday lifestyle and health. I love comfortable footwear. The minimalist mindset helped me save a lot and promoted more value to my money. Besides, I really don't like leaving clutter hanging in my closet and drawers. Too many accessories, clothings and unnecessary items will most likely end up in rubbish after a few months or years. But, to make things better, I give them away to those who need them most. However, there is one particular thing which needs utmost minimalist attitude too - - food and its intake. Well, I would have to admit that I am a self-confessed glutton most days. It's what you call occasional binge eating when you're stressed, happy or just in the mood to do so. The woman's clip made me realize we should be modest about our food choices and consumption. We're not talking about just cutting calories here. Excess food will again, most likely, end up in the trash left to be feasted over by armies of flies, roaches and rats everywhere. So far, I am beginning to work on wise picking when it came to food choice. It should be opting for something which fills you better, leaves you full for longer and provides the nutrition your body deserves. If you'll check my phone, there are lots of video clips tackling vegan diet, healthy meal preparation and balanced meals. I am taking steps little by little. At least, the videos are not left to rot in my internal phone storage. When it comes to choosing people, I have also opted to stay with those who have optimistic attitude, complained less and chose to see the brighter side of life. They say your crowd defines you. And I have to admit, it does ring well most of the time. The kind of people you mingle with will affect your mindset, attitude and future views in the long run. Plus, those who stick with you during the worst times of your life are worth keeping. I'm not saying to overlook worst case scenarios. Evaluating adverse situations allows you to formulate the best contingency measures. But, if your main goal for looking at negative conditions is to complain, blabber and do nothing about the situation, then you are wasting precious energy, my friend. In reality, most of the time, you can't do anything about a negative situation. Things beyond your control should never be bothered with after all. The best thing to do is change your mindset about the things you can't change (That's a little redundant. But, I am putting emphasis there.). If it went over and beyond your patience level, maybe it's time to give things good thought. Should you stay or leave? Should you tolerate or put a blind eye to it? This is when you have to make a big decision. You only have one life to live. If you believe you deserve a better situation, then don't be afraid to walk out the door and close it. Sometimes, we need to make a choice to end things for our betterment. Yes, it's hard. Yes, there will be pain. But, we learn and continue to learn because of these circumstances. So, for the remainder of my life, the theme has always been quality over quantity. Choices are given careful thought. Purchases are considered wisely. Personal interactions are kept to minimum. Less is definitely more. Surprisingly, the restraint allowed me to move further without fear of judgment or tipping over moral boundaries. I also don't care about what people think about me for as long as I am doing the right thing. I am able to save my resources for the rainy days. But, I don't think I can remove wordiness in my anecdotes. That's the least likely thing I will do as a self-confessed minimalist. So, what's keeping you from taking things to minimum? Feel free to share your thoughts in this modest space.

March 5, 2019 Today marks my official rebellion from my good girl image. I guess for several years now, my aggressive side has been suppressed until it can't hold up anymore. Fear has repressed that fighter side. I always chose to be responsible, always chose to be selfless, always chose to be understanding until I lost myself in the process. I felt like this marks my rebellion against God as well. Though I don't know exactly what I should rebel with him in the first place. I guess, I really don't have plans of being an atheist. But, I wanted people to see that I am not a person to trample with. I have feelings. I have emotions. I have things that I have always wanted to express. And I guess, this is the point of getting this piercing in the first place. It hurts, honestly. In fact, I can feel it stinging a little. I don't know where I've taken the courage to get to that place in the first place. I have always admired people who have piercings here and there. And so, instead of watching, I've decided to get one as well. I'm not sure however, on how to maintain this well. So help me God. I really don't have plans of fighting against you. It's about time to show those people that I'm not someone to mess up with in the first place.

March 2, 2020 It's officially March 2 today. 14 days ago was your 10th death anniversary. 10 years ago, I thought I would never forget you. The younger me back then, planned on visiting your grave on that fateful day. But, I have forgotten. Not your memory. And certainly, not the person that you are. But the days andthe months that went on helped me to let go, little by little of the pain, tears and regrets that the younger me had upon losing you. I thought I would keep on holding on to that love. But, time taught me better. It is indeed true that time heals all wounds. I remember my old self crying my heart out while writing about our memories together and the feelings I've had for you. About the moment I could have been brave enough in telling you how I feel for you. Believe it or not, it still pains me to remember how much I miss you and long for you to be with me in my current life journey. But, the moment of holding hands with you will never come. The second to touch your lips and whisper 'I love you' will never transpire. The months and years counting our times together will never be ours. It will always be a 'what if' that I regret not taking because I have chosen to do the right thing - - to wait for us to graduate before getting into a serious relationship. But time, had also taught me to forgive myself. Part of growing up and maturity is choosing to hold back and see the future. It includes choosing to make the right decisions even at a painful cost. So, when I became an adult, choosing the right thing became an inevitable habit and acknowledging the fact that you are accountable for your actions was deeply imbedded. I guess, remembering a dear friend and could have been partner was inevitable at the moment. The song on my playlist set me off to reminiscent mode. Con, you will always be a beautiful memory and dear friend to me and to those you cherish. I have gotten used to the pain just like involuntary breathing in shallow or deep gusts. This is me saying goodbye to the pain and the could have been love story between us. Because I have chosen to move on and give my heart to someone else. In pace requiescat, Conrado Abrugar Macapulay, Jr.