Ponderings and Musings

Small stories. Simple lives. A lone man's journey.



05/15/09
Love is a salve as the summer breeze,
Gently cooling, softly whispering to ease.
A moment’s battle, an hour’s struggle,
All vanish quickly in a mother’s cuddle.

I hear mother’s whisper, caressing me tender,
The warmth in her bosom providing a shelter.
Lull me to slumber, hold me forever,
In a world of deception, confusion and terror.

08/10/09
Luha ng Kahapon

Ano pa ang silbi ng bawat araw ko, sinta,
Kung sa paglipas nito’y ‘di ka makikita?
Ano pa ang silbi ng ganda ng umaga,
Kung sa paglipas nito’y ‘di sisilay iyong mukha?

Ano pa ang silbi ng katha o tula,
Kung sa bawat linya nito’y ‘di ka kasama?
Ano’ng puwang sa mundo nitong aking puso,
Kung ang bawat tibok nito’y walang tinig o tono?

Ikaw ang nagbigay-kulay sa madilim kong mundo.
Ang liwanag at init na tumunaw sa aking puso.
Ano pa ang silbi ng bukas at ngayon,
Kung ang puso’y baon sa alaala ng kahapon?

Ano pa ang silbi ng pag-ibig o paghanga,
Kung ang taong paglalaana’y tuluyan nang nawala?
Ano pa ang silbi ng sukat at tugma,
Kung ang sugat sa puso’y ‘di maghihilom pa?

2003 (published in The Rosarian, UST-EHS’s official student newspaper)
Busal

Isang umaga, habang lulan ng jeep,
Pumasok sa paaralan kasabay ang mga taong nagmamadali.
Dalawang kapwa drayber ang nag-usap sa ‘king harapan,
Kahapon lamang nang masawi ang isang kasamahan.
      Sa ‘di malamang dahilan, namatay nga ba?
      O pinatay ng isang taong hawak ang susi ng kapangyarihan?
Ayon sa kanila, nagtangka raw itong manlaban,
Sa mapaniil na kamay na bakal ng nasa itaas.
Sadya nga bang nararapat na ito ang kasapitan,
Ng maliit na mamamayang ipinagtanggol ang kanyang KARAPATAN?

At paano pa nagagawang tumawa ng mga ito,
Sa kapwa nila na halos katulad ng kanilang mundo?
Nabibilang sa parehong katayuan,
Kaya’t kanila ring nalalaman,
Mga sulirani’t ugat ng kasawian,
Ng kaaba-abang nilalang na pinagkaitan,
Nang nararapat sana’y kanyang KARAPATAN.

Lihim akong nainis sa kanilang pagtudyo,
Tingin ko sa kanila’y parang mga Hudyo!
Matahimik sana ang iyong kaluluwa,
Naawa sana ang sa’yo’y pumaslang,
Lalo na sa naiwan mong pamilya.
Walang awang pinatay upang mapagtakpan,
Ang itinatagong baho’t madilim na katotohanan…

11/11/08
Lunatic’s Sonata (version I) (Original title: Sonata for the Necrophilic)

Lost in the rhythm,
Your hands move through the ivory keys.
The music is filling your eyes with tears.
The moon watches over the lunatic,
Who solemnly wishes he does not fall asleep.
Hopelessly praying God shall not move the day,
Curse the dawn, stop the twilight,
For she is all his tonight!

She sits at the far corner of the pitch dark room,
Hands clasped, eyes tightly shut,
Immobile, her fingers not moving an inch.

His fingers now struck the last note of the masterpiece,
Thanks to Beethoven, the sonata is now finished!
He moves closer, kisses her lips tenderly,
Yet she is all cold and silent for eternity…

11/11/08
Fireflies

A soft breeze blows through the trees,
As they silently witness my flowing tears.
When all of a sudden, tiny creatures with wings,
Caught my eyes as they move in such magical gleam.

I heard Mama’s voice softly calling my name,
Such gentleness slowly healing my immense pain.
“Child, listen. Fireflies are the closest resemblance of the stars,
Hold them closely and they’ll give you such glow and warmth.
For spirits like stars, watch over us every night,
Seeing them needed not the eyes or thy sight.”

I felt the cool touch of the wind on my skin caressing me lightly,
Mother, is that you hugging me tightly?


12/07/07
There is nothing but unspoken words between us,
These walls that separate the two of us.
If I reach out, would you hold my hand,
Would you promise to stay and not stray apart?
If I call out your name, would you call out back,
Would you tell me you love me or just hold back that love?
There is nothing but unspoken words between us,
Do you know these unspoken words are killing us?

02/14/01 (A poem I made for someone when I was still in first year high school. This is just an excerpt. I can’t remember the remaining lines.)

Solitude

Alone, I stand upon the shadows,
The shadows cast around circles.
Around circles filled with crowds surrounding you,
Keeping you away, so far away from me.

06/10/04
Kaluluwang Naglalakbay sa Kawalan

Batang umiiyak sa kawalan,
Nilamon ng iyong kadiliman ang liwanag.
Ang paninging kusang pumanaw, kumulimlim,
Isipang dinungisan ng taglay mong lagim.

Umaasa, naninikluhod habang nakatanaw sa kalangitan,
At sa puso mo’y namutawi isang inusal mong dasal.
Sa tulad mong uhaw sa pagmamahal,
Pag-unawa’t pagkalinga ng sa’yo’y lumalang.

Inaasam ang kapatawaran ng Iyong Tgapaglikha,
Ikaw ba’y natatakot sa sasapiting sumpa?
Nang apoy na tumupok sa iyong mga pakpak,
Upang mahulog sa dagat na aanod sa paniniwala.
Ang ulos ang nagtakda sa iyong kapalaran,
Huli na ba ang lahat?
Bakit nagsusumigaw ang Kamatayan?

12/02/07
Papercut
This as the metal sheet man made,
The wind cuts deep through the skin like a blade.
It howls loudly to the soul piercing the fragile heart,
The soul bleeds inevitably, broken like mirror shards.
This coaxing wind blowing forcibly through the walls,
Blood dripping slowly from the veins,
Tears silently shed for that dying maiden.
Hands reaching towards the sky,
“Father, save me,” her voice calls to Him,
The one who fashioned her every part and being.
Wondering if He heard her summon Him from afar,
As she slowly takes her breath to be one with the stars…

12/02/07
(One of the poems I remembered him criticizing and said it’s better if I change turbulent to ‘bewildered.’ =) )

She call upon her muses to sing her a lullaby,
For her turbulent spirit cannot be calmed.
Thoughts swim like whirlpools of water,
And her soul is being swallowed by the quicksand of her world…
There is nothing but emptiness in that lone universe,
Where there is none who dwells in its core.
She is drenched by the brine waters of the sea,
The liquid that flows freely from her eyes.
Praying that a salve may serve as a cure,
To that lasting emptiness within her soul.
When you find there is no purpose for you on this world,
Death shall slowly creep through those fragile bones…

12/02/07
Empty as a blank sheet and slate,
Pure and frigid as that pristine snow,
Clear and smooth as that running stream or brook,
Her mind holds nothing but an empty world,
Where are her muses to sing her a lullaby?
Where is her heart? Does she know how to cry?
What is pain? Is there agony?
Pretending she is not in misery,
Where are those sullen tears?
Dear lady, do you know how to weep?
Whispering emptiness in this miserable world,
Wishing Death to come knocking and end that suffering soul.

01/12/07 ( A poem I composed after remembering what I did a few weeks ago, like burning some useless papers and memories…)
Arson
Crumpled sheets of paper,
Letters scribbled and scattered on each page.
Empty words of love, disillusioned promises,
A mirage of an envisioned passion,
Written as figment of one’s imagination.
A love born in a tapestry of lies,
Her heart torn asunder, brine wells fall down her eyes.
Slowly, she tears the pages,
While remembering the face of the man she loves.
Slowly, she drops the pages down,
Where the furnace embrace them in its blazing warmth.
Slowly, she reminisced the memories they had,
Where the bitter fang of truth poisoned her heart.
Slowly, the pages are consumed by the fire,
Where the ashes remain as the ugly reminder of that love.
There is no turning back,
So she chooses to live her life.


01/13/07
Mata Hari (A poem I made after reading Mata Hari’s life.)

Lovely enchantress, dance with me tonight,
With the moon and the stars watching thy graceful flight.
Oh, mystical seductress, men swoon for thine eyes,
Longing to own you even for just one night.
Listen, they promise eternal treasures,
Just to imprison you in their arms.
Yet, a stealthy glow was found in those mystic eyes.
Should you deceive or remain loyal?
Their hearts become captives of your charms…
And the silence was broken,
The melody stopped all of a sudden!
You feet were entangled to the chains of fire,
They found you guilty of a heinous crime.
An innocent perpetrator held in a shameful trial,
A traitor to your country, a despicable spy!
You were destined to face such fatal line,
Bullets cut through that soft, desired flesh,
As the passion of men in guns put an end to your distress.
Lovely enchantress, soon you become one with the stars…





05/28/2011

Kapag naupo ako sa isang sulok,
Asahan mong hindi ito pagmumukmok.
Maaaring ‘di mo alam, ako’y manlalakbay,
Habang ang isip ko’y naglalayag sa malawak na kawalan.

Heto na naman ako,
Hawak ang papel at pluma ko.
Habang nagmamadaling isulat ang nasa isip ko.
Abalang binibisita ang sarili kong mundo.

Maaari kang sumama kung interesado ka,
Iilan lang ang nakababasa ng aking likha.
Pasensya na, inaantok ka ba?
Ganyan talaga kapag ‘di matalos ang akda.

Hinihintay kong magmukmok kang tulad ko,
At makiumpok sa espasyo dito sa tabi ko.
Masasanay ka rin sa aking mundo,
Malay mo, balang araw, maging iyo na ito?




(I checked my organizer and found these poems written on several pages. Out of boredom and while waiting for my turn to donate some blood, I decided to write these poems as pastime.

I always try to make sure I do something worthwhile during my free times.)


                                                                                                                         June 3, 2010 (1:36 p.m.)

JAPAYUKI


Ayoko sa Japayuki.
Maamoy,
Malansa,
at matitinik kang talaga.

Maraming lalaki,
ang may gusto sa Japayuki.

Pero, hindi ako.
Hinding-hindi ako.
Magkamatayan man tayo!

Kadalasan,
siya ay napalilibutan ng ilaw.
At palaging grandeng entrada,
ang sumasalubong sa kanya.

Kinailangang mag-Niponngo,
at magsalitang tila may sipon.
Parang may nakabara sa ilong,
sana'y pati sa kanyang dumurugong puso.

Ayoko sa Japayuki...

Amoy pa lang,
nakasusulasok na!
lalo na't 'pag natikman,
kanyang pira-pirasong laman.

Ayokong matinik at mahirinan,
mapaprito man 'yan o sinigang.

Ngunit patuloy siyang sumasayaw,
sa gitna nang nagpapalitang ilaw.
Sa Kabuki, ikaw ang pangunahing tauhan.
Itago mo ang luha,
magpinta ng ngiti sa mukha!

Ayoko sa Japayuki!

Ang lahat-lahat ng tungkol sa kanya.

Ang pang-aalipusta at pandudusta,
pilit niyayakap niya,
para sa iilang lapad,
dangal mo'y ibinilad.

Ngunit, Japayuki ka man,
'di ka huhusgahan.
Hudas lamang ang magbubuhat
ng sarili sa pedestal!

Japayuki ka,
oo, iyon ka.
Subalit tao ka.
At hindi isang
nakapandidiring isda...


                                                                                                                        June 3, 2010 (2:30 p.m.)


Usapan sa Blood Bank

Sa gawing kaliwa,
umaalingawngaw
sapantaha ng dalwang 'di nasisiyahan,
sa pagkapanalo ni Noynoy,
sila'y 'di kumbinsido.
Gusto ni Ate si Teodoro,
si Kuya nama'y nakikinig sa kanyang sentimyento.

Tatlong lalaki ang kangina'y nag-umpukan,
Usapan ang 'flavor of the month' nila.
'Yung isa, huli sa aktong nangangaliwa,
Si Ma'am ang lihim niyang pantasya.
Katextmate, 'di mabilang,
kabi-kabila ang kasagutan.
Ngiting aso ang dalawa,
suportado ang kaibigan nila.

Mahaba ang pila,
at ako'y nanlalamig na.
Subalit sa blood screening,
'di makakawala!

Tuloy ang usapan.

May bagong umpukan,
usapang labada, abala si Ina,
naiwan ang mga anak niya,
may magbabantay ba sa kanila?

Mauulinig ang alingawngaw,
samantalang ako'y nasa loob ng silid na.

Naiinip na matawag,
subalit, 'di pa tapos ang laban.

Sa loob, inquirer si Dok,
kinukumpirma kay Manong kanyang mga sagot.
May AIDS ka ba? Naiintindihan mo ba?
'Pagkat sakit na ito'y nakahahawa,
automatic rejection 'pag napatunayan na.
Solohin mo ang sakit mo't
'wag mandamay ng iba!

Ang haba ng proseso,
sa pagkuha ng dugo,
Naiinip na ako sa sobrang bagal nito.

Pampalipas-oras ang tulang ito,
Ngunit 'di pa rin nasusuri ang aking dugo.


                                                                                                                         June 3, 2010 (4:11 p.m.)

Nag-iisa
ang mangangatha.
walang kapiling
kundi ang tula.

Kataka-talang
sa laksa-laksang tanan,
matitipon ang daan-daang salita.

Malayang nagliliwaliw
itong isip na magiliw.
Pilit niyang inaaliw
ang sariling pagkabaliw.

Libu-libong mga salita,
daan-daan katha.
Subalit, magpatuloy man ang mga kamay,
Sa pagsusulat,
pagbubulay-bulay,
pagkukulay,
mananatiling malumbay,
ang pusong inalila mo ____________.

Please observe the Intellectual Property Rights.

                                                                                                                               -- Raphaelle (I. N. J.)






(Writer's note: All of these poems were made last Sept. 2, 2010, in front of the school canteen in TIP Arlegui, Manila while studying for that dreaded subject known as 'Special Topics.' At least, my efforts did not become futile. I survived Topics. Hooray!)

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Nagbabadya ang kalawakan,
nagsasalimbayan sa kawalan.
pira-pirasong alaala ng nakaraan,
nagsisilbing tila mumo ng bubog.
sa mundong 'di tumitigil sa pag-inog.

Samahan mo ako,
tuklasin ang lihim ng mundo.
Kung ang luha ay gamot
na hihilom sa lungkot,
ikaw nga ba'y isang sugat na 'di malilimot?

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

PUTI

Ito ay kadalisayan,
kabusilakan ng pusong sugatan,
dungisan mo at bahiran,
at agad na magmamarka.

Pula ang kulay ng dugo,
bahiran mo itong puting mundo,
hayaang ang bawat patay ay dungisan,
nang ang nabahirang kaluluwa ay muling malinisan.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Pakikipag-usap sa Kawalan

Kilala mo ba ako?
Ako ang iyong anino.
Tingnan mo't susunod ako sa iyo,
sa bawat hakbang, pagkilos at pag-ikot mo.
Kaya kong tumalon, lumundag at magtago,
ngunit 'di ko kayang lumuha para sa iyo...

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Mali ka, kaibigan,
kung iniisip mong,
ang pagsusulat ay tuluyang nilimot.

Ang tinapay, 'pag iniwan,
tiyak na nilulumot.
Ngunit 'di ang isip kong,
walang tigil sa paglikot.

Oo nga't kung masda'y
'di naman gumagalaw,
liban lang sa mga kamay,
kumukurbang walang humpay!

Tahimik ma't walang ituran,
ang tinig ko'y umaalingawngaw,
sa malinis na baybayin ,
nitong aking sulatan.

'Di mo lang napapansin,
ang layo't lawak ng lakbayin.
Moog mang ituri'y,
nakalalakad pa rin.
Ang isip ko'y may pakpak,
inaabot ang alapaap.
At sa katahimikan ng mga ulap,
doo'y sasaglit, mangangarap.

Ang mangangatha'y mapapagal,
saglit na mamamahinga,
ngunit pumikit man ang mata,
tatanawin rin ang kalawakan.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++



(All poems are strictly for the editor's use only.To my fellow writers, work on your own craft. Please exercise your intellect and observe the Intellectual Property Right.)


                                                                 -- RAPHAELLE (i.n.j.)



(Nakakatawa man, pero ganito talaga ako magpalipas ng oras. Kapag nakita mo akong umupo sa isang sulok, nakatulala, tahimik at hindi umiimik, beware! Bawal akong istorbohin. Kasi, sa panahong iyon, isa na namang panibagong ideya para sa isang tula o kwento ang pumasok sa isip ko. 

Ayoko ng istorbo kapag nagsusulat ako, so back off! Haha! Enjoy!

At bilang pruweba na nag-aaral nga ako ng mga oras na ito, katunayan, nakasulat sa likod ng Chemistry reviewer ko 'yung apat na tula ko. Nauta lang ako sa kababasa ng molecular weight, atomic weight, chu chu at problem solving ng formula mass at balancing chemical equations.

Kaya para hindi ako masyadong ma-pressure, binaba ko muna 'yung periodic table ko at tumunganga. Tapos, natagpuan ko na lang ang sarili kong nagsusulat. Haha!
Siya nga pala, kung itatanong mo sa akin 'yung naging resulta ng exam ko noong araw na iyon, so far, so good. Kaya nga ako pumasa ng Topics eh. Hehe. And after a few days from now, at last, my graduation rites will come. 

CONGRATULATIONS BATCH 2011!!!!)












                                                                                                                                           Marso 19, 2011
Muling mananatali sa pamilyar na sulok,
Sa pamilyar na espasyong ibig na maluklok.
Kung saan payapang magsasalimbayan ang mga alon,
At kusang yayakap sa mga ulap ang mga ibon.

Sabay sa saliw ng mga dahong sumasayaw sa hangin,
Unti-unting ibubulong ang mga alaala’t damdamin.
Nilumot ma’t naluoy mananatili pa rin,
Ang katapata’t kadalisayan nitong dalangin.

Saan nga ba dadalhin ng nakaraan?
Bumubulong sa hangin at sa kawalan.
Ibig kong makasama ang mga alaala,
Sa kabila ng pangungulila’t pag-iisa.

Tanda ko pa ang sulok kung saan ka nakita,
Kung sa’n huling nasilayan ang ngiti sa’yong mukha.
Tila ba ika’y anghel na mamamaalam na,
Kakampay ang mga pakpak tungo sa Ama.

Sana ay sinabi mong ito na ang huli,
Baka sakaling nagmadali’t sa’yo’y sinabi,
“Hintay lang, ‘wag ka namang magmadali,”
“Atin ang oras na ito, dito ka sa ‘king tabi.”

Ngunit huli na, ‘pagkat ikaw ma’y ‘di wari,
Ito na ang huli, ang huli mong ngiti.
Sa mga akda ka na lamang makakasama,
Sa piling ng mga tula tahimik na luluha…

-- Raphaelle (I. N. J.)

( Haven't listened to my muse's song for a long time. I guess, I never really had the time to write down my thoughts on a piece of paper like I always did. But just for a change, I want the letters and I to become one. A writer never ceases to continue pursuing his craft.

Though, one might have chosen a different path, the muse will continue calling for the writer to come back.

This time, I know, the letters and I are intertwined, like two souls interconnected for the rest of time. I long to be one with the letters, capture her every scent and memoir. I long to listen to my hidden thoughts, repressed angry, suppressed tears.

This is I, the writer, the artist, crafting yet another romance with the pen and the paper. I guess, I will never have that special someone. This is the tragic fate of the writer -- longing for a romance that can never be owned, not then, not now, even for an eternity.

So then, let me be buried with my own letters and make a romance out of them. Because I know this is the closest link I have to you.

In pace requiescat.

I offer this art to you -- my dream and my muse.)

About Me

My photo
++ literary emo ++ lover of Apollo ++ MISANTHROPIST ++ certified INTROVERT! ++ writer ++ lover of letters ++ lunatic ++ descendant of Thanatos ++ rival of Nyx ++ archenemy of Hypnos ++ reader between the lines ++ fantasizes of visiting the Louvre Museum someday ++ wishes to defeat Marco Polo's record on circumnavigation ++ daydream traveler ++ gothic muse ++ dark angel ++ mental succubus ++ walang pakialam sa mundo (maliban sa mga taong importante sa akin)++ HATER OF PRETENSION ++ artistic ++ autistic ++ may sariling mundo ++ creator of her universe ++ MAHILIG SA DUGO

On Raphaelle's Wings

RAPHAEL is one of the seven guardian angels who protect mankind and follow God's plans.

While some people believe that he was the angel meant to give luck to cockfighters and betters, Raphael was actually there to guide and heal the brokenhearted.

Thus, Raphael meant "God heals."


This is my corner amongst the sea of many identities and characters.

This blog contains the many thoughts, questions and ponderings that my mind held for so long.

So, sit back, relax and prepare to take a flight.

Let Raphaelle's (my female persona) wings take you on a journey beyond compare, to a faraway land you sought to conquer, touch, see and hold.

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