What It feels to be in Your Shoes
Today, I have decided to seat on that chair where you used to be seated when you were still in the office. As expected, I felt the memories rushing because I used to look at you when you were still here.
It was for a good one minute. I have rummaged through the drawers to see if the note I left for you was there. No sticky note found. I'm not sure if you've seen my letter. I wish you did.
I wanted to take the cover up to see what was outside the window. I used to see you looking out as if in deep thought. You know, I wanted to sit right beside you during those moments. You look like someone bewildered, utterly confused with all the things happening around you. I know you are going through something.
I know I can't say anything good enough to comfort you. But, I want to stay right beside you. I want to be that warm shoulder you can lean on when things get too heavy for you to take. I want to be your crying shoulder to hide you when you want to burst into tears. I just want to be beside you when you feel so lost, so sad that you feel like you have no one to turn to during your lowest moments.
Honestly, I went back to that same old spot and stayed a couple of minutes longer. In fact, as I am continuing this piece, I am seated on that very chair where you leisurely turn 90 degrees around to find out what you see when you position your seat this way.
Do you know what I found out? That angle allows you to see one spot in the room when you turn your vision at a good angle of at least 30 degrees. Sorry for the rough angular estimates. You are dealing with an engineer here.
Your eyes can effortlessly glance on my area right from where you are seated!
You may not be aware of this. But, my place in the room gives me the best angle to see you, too. I can see almost everything you are doing. From staring glued to your monitor, the frequent scratches you make at the back of your head as if too baffled with your tasks, the momentary arm stretches you make to loosen your muscles up and sometimes, the little glances you make at your back. Sometimes, I can't help stretching my muscles either when you start doing them. It makes me feel at ease when you do so.
The distance we have at work is almost the same as with our personal distance from each other. We can see each other clearly but, can't seem to cross the distance between us.
While what I have chosen to do now is pointless, I guess the main reason why I did what I have done just now is to get a better understanding of you. To me, you are like a distant star that I can't help but stare at and admire from afar. I am just a normal employee while you belong to the upper management sect.
I wanted to understand why you have chosen the things you have done, why you have chosen to resign and leave your battles behind. But, the more I try to get close to who you are, the more I get confused and lost with the person whom I have chosen to love and trust.
I was hoping to get some closure, little by little, one step at a time. But, I have not even reached the midpoint of my venture.
Let my anecdotes be my meaningless monologues to help me forget you every single day. I love you. I miss you so much that there is no single statement that can best describe the desolation I am feeling now.
I wish you are happy where you are now.
I wanted to take the cover up to see what was outside the window. I used to see you looking out as if in deep thought. You know, I wanted to sit right beside you during those moments. You look like someone bewildered, utterly confused with all the things happening around you. I know you are going through something.
I know I can't say anything good enough to comfort you. But, I want to stay right beside you. I want to be that warm shoulder you can lean on when things get too heavy for you to take. I want to be your crying shoulder to hide you when you want to burst into tears. I just want to be beside you when you feel so lost, so sad that you feel like you have no one to turn to during your lowest moments.
Honestly, I went back to that same old spot and stayed a couple of minutes longer. In fact, as I am continuing this piece, I am seated on that very chair where you leisurely turn 90 degrees around to find out what you see when you position your seat this way.
Do you know what I found out? That angle allows you to see one spot in the room when you turn your vision at a good angle of at least 30 degrees. Sorry for the rough angular estimates. You are dealing with an engineer here.
Your eyes can effortlessly glance on my area right from where you are seated!
You may not be aware of this. But, my place in the room gives me the best angle to see you, too. I can see almost everything you are doing. From staring glued to your monitor, the frequent scratches you make at the back of your head as if too baffled with your tasks, the momentary arm stretches you make to loosen your muscles up and sometimes, the little glances you make at your back. Sometimes, I can't help stretching my muscles either when you start doing them. It makes me feel at ease when you do so.
The distance we have at work is almost the same as with our personal distance from each other. We can see each other clearly but, can't seem to cross the distance between us.
While what I have chosen to do now is pointless, I guess the main reason why I did what I have done just now is to get a better understanding of you. To me, you are like a distant star that I can't help but stare at and admire from afar. I am just a normal employee while you belong to the upper management sect.
I wanted to understand why you have chosen the things you have done, why you have chosen to resign and leave your battles behind. But, the more I try to get close to who you are, the more I get confused and lost with the person whom I have chosen to love and trust.
I was hoping to get some closure, little by little, one step at a time. But, I have not even reached the midpoint of my venture.
Let my anecdotes be my meaningless monologues to help me forget you every single day. I love you. I miss you so much that there is no single statement that can best describe the desolation I am feeling now.
I wish you are happy where you are now.
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