Personal ANNecdotes

Where Home Is

I wonder where my home is.

Is it in a strange hidden woodland, deep into the forest with birds chirping daily and filled with the rustle of leaves and the quiet whispers of the streams? Is it in a faraway galaxy, filled with unknown people and untrudged terrains yet to be discovered? Is it on top of a secluded mountain where people utter a solemn prayer? I can go on with the picturesque descriptions. But, for me, there is only one definition for a home.

It is where your heart truly is.

It's a clichéd statement that even grade schoolers know. But, there is no other point that will best describe a home.

I wonder if my home is with you. It would be nice to build a future with a man you love so dearly - - you are willing to share every bit and piece of you. There will be no hesitations, second thoughts or anticipated regrets. Just inner peace and full confidence in the decision of entrusting your future to a person you see sharing your entire life with.

I have always wished for a man with a soft and kind heart toward children. He would not hesitate to give his time and patience to make his children happy.

When I was a kid, I barely recall my father giving me a piggy back ride. My mom once told me that he would carry me home on certain occasions. This is when streets get flooded due to rains in the metro. But, I wish I had more time spent with my dad.

Growing up, my father had always been away. He would often be on business trips and late night drinks with his Chinese friends. My father, also had Chinese blood running in him. Probably, that's why he got accepted in their exclusive club.

I remember wishing so hard for my father to be there on special occasions of my life. I don't see him frequently sharing the stage with me when I receive class honors and best in subjects awards. It was always my mom who put the medal on my neck or receive the certificates.

I wanted to share my tormenting experiences and have him protect me from all those bullies who took pleasure in belittling and insulting me.

I wanted a father who would hug me, kiss me and reassure me that everything will be alright inspite of the trauma that was deeply inflicted in me.

I needed a man, a good example to show me that not all males are assholes, perverts and sexual addicts who want nothing from women but, their private parts.

That's why, the only thing I long for my future children is a father who would not hesitate in giving his love and affection to his offspring. I want my kids to experience the very things that I never had the luxury to have.

I don't exactly need a wealthy husband. I just need a responsible man who can comfortably provide the needs of his family even without owning billions in his bank account.

I envision a loving, warm and secure home where children can freely live, grow and dream to be who they want to be.

But, it is so hard to find an unselfish man nowadays. Due to corrupt mass media influences and incorrect patriarchal upbringing, you'll find lots of men who would rather gratify their selfish desires than sacrifice to protect and honour the family they had.

I am not sure where and how to find you. But God, will know exactly when should our paths cross. For now, I will stop wondering and sleep over these thoughts.

Maybe, just maybe, you will find your way across my posts one of these days...