Personal ANNecdotes

05.11.2019

Two years have passed since my last post. As I am writing this entry, I am currently stuck in traffic.

Hard to believe. I am just 5 minutes away from my home. The estimated time of arrival is at 1:56 a.m. Time check: 2:06 a.m. Yes, I am already 10 minutes past the expected arrival in my home.

The driver did his part in running a few knots faster than the average speed requirement. Only to find us both stuck on the road with these trucks along the highway. I am tempted to get myself out of the car and hurry walking toward my house. Inevitable. Like fate destined us to be stuck here for eternity.

My mind is shouting open the door. But, I feel so much pity for the driver who graciously offered me a ride in this rain-stricken morning.

I busied myself with listening to relaxing, coffee book songs. But, the impatience of getting myself home, cleaned, and lain peacefully in bed is pestering my inner calm. I can't relax when I know for a fact that I am several minutes away from my home. Sad. I turned to other things like checking my online accounts.

And then, I figured, it will be best to check my blog post. It was really hard to believe that the blog account I have abandoned for years had my latest post at more than a thousand views.

I am not saying I hate writing. Prose and poetry have always been my passion since I was 10 years old. But, some of my posts reflected the naive, innocent and idealist me several years ago. I have grown so much with time that I've felt this blog is no longer a perfect fit for me.

Maybe I was wrong. Maybe all I needed to do was embrace the change in me due to progression. My recent blog posts may now seem a starking contrast to the old self reflected in my articles a few years ago.

But, all of these is part of me. The words, the letters, the ideas - - they all belong to me. And all I needed to was embrace the fact that we cannot stay IDEAL.

Circumstances, experiences and heartaches change us. Sometimes, the pain may even harden our hearts.

But, as we grow older, pain, frustration, sadness and loss of faith happen along the way. It is all up to us to pick up the shattered, sometimes, filthy pieces to make a whole version of a new self. People are always hopeful for a positive conversion. But, sometimes, the toughening of the heart is needed to survive.

You can't always stay kind. You can't always stay highly optimistic. The fear of failure helps set alarms and cautions to avoid wrecklessly making decisions. You know you have no one but you to keep and pick the pieces that will be shattered helplessly.

So, even if I am helplessly coping with a broken dream and heart at this point, I am positive that this situation will make a better version of me. Look at how I turned my current situation around. Here I am stuck in traffic. Yet, I found the diversion a perfect time to write another random musing to pass my time.

But, as I am close to ending this piece, here I am hoping to get myself finally home, lain peacefully in bed and snoozing within a few minutes as fast as I can. It's 2:31 now and we are still on the road having small talks now and then. 😢😭