Personal ANNecdotes

2019.05.23

Insomniac's Pondering

I am starting to get into the habit of staying until the wee hours of the night and hooked into my personal blackhole - - my blog.

A blackhole, according to science, is the remnants of the explosion of a supermassive star after closing in on its own gravitational force. (Whew! Spare me the epistaxial moment. Thank you NASA for the flabbergasting definition.)

To me, this blog allows me to be in constant touch with my inner self - - that part which you choose to hush when you engage in the corporate rat race.

Honestly, I am beginning to get suffocated with how the workplace moves. People find it hard to believe in honest reasoning when a person takes absence for quite some time.

Blame it on the excruciating back ache I've been experiencing for several days now. I sought the service of a masseuse to take care of the chronic 'lamig' invading my muscles and lumps. It turned out, things got worse than expected. Here I was hopeful to finally rid myself of the annoying pain disturbing my serene being, only to find out, I'll end up being SL for 2 days and working from home on the remaining ones.

What disturbed me is the fact that I have several emails and tickets piled up to be worked on (as expected). My teammates, after learning I was active and responded every now and then, took advantage of the situation and followed me up on my pending deliverables. That's why I immediately told my lead I could not afford to be out sick for the remaining days. I have lots of 'ardent' (read:suki) clients to take care of.

But, it is so hard to be active and productive when you are feeling excruciating pain behind you. Now, I've realized that it is hardest to concentrate when you are experiencing extreme backache. I have also worked on occassions while having coughs and colds. But, back pain is by far, the most irritating and undeniably, a productivity culprit I have encountered so far.

I wanted to understand what's wrong with my body. My mom said this could be persistent 'lamig.' But, I can't help anticipating the worst conditions so far. I am starting to think this could be scoliosis, slip disc or a minor back injury. Yet, at the end of the day, I wanted it to end up as a persistent 'lamig' instead.

Am I stressed over my piled up deliverables? Or is it because of the heartache which remains hidden within the confines of my soul? (Too deep. I don't want this to turn melancholic.)

Somehow, the monologue I am having with myself through this blog is helping me overcome and face the adverse situations I am in now.

I hope my lead sees my efforts in trying to get myself to the next level. But, the past few days, I admit screwing up due to the mixed physical and emotional turmoils I found myself in now.

Nobody wanted this situation. Yet, challenges come in once in a while to test and help us endure.

For now, I will pause with this random wondering. I am starting to feel Hypnos' charm lulling me close to sleep...