Personal ANNecdotes

05.19.2019

I am so embarrassed to admit this. But, I guess I have internally told myself, 'You' re officially back to blogging. ' Welcome back, sucker!

Since I am now religiously posting and checking my account, I have decided to also go over some of my old followers and blog friends' posts. Most have been on hiatus for more than a year. I even read one post from Pam in 2011 saying she is finally saying goodbye to blogging.

What saddened me is the fact that she had regarded blogging as a 'childish activity.' I completely disagree with this mindset and have never regarded my posts as part of my childish dreams and idealistic goals.

Our current emotional and mental state as writers cannot help themselves from manifesting in our blog posts. We have to accept the reality of it.

Our blogs reflect who we currently are as people. I remember almost deleting my blog accounts several years ago. I thought my previous posts no longer fit who I currently am as a person. People who have been ardently following my posts will definitely note the difference between the Rcyan then and the Rcyan now versions.

But, like all writers, our creations also grow in time with us. Literary and prose versions change and mature as the author does. So, if my purist and ideal self then has been diverted to the angsty and nasty real deal now, forgive the new language and the inexcusable metaphors.

It takes a lot of courage,(yes, that's also bravery) , to acknowledge and admit what you feel at the moment. Others go to band aid solutions like liquor, drugs, animal partying and causing ruckus to divert themselves from the pains of their world. There are only a few individuals who instead of drowning the emotional voices in their head, pause and find silence to get in touch with their innermost selves. Yes, this means facing your personal traumas. And yes, this means shedding uncontrollable tears and acknowledging your deepest fears when you can just escape them.

I believe escaping loneliness is a sign of immaturity. Going for band aid options is definitely a childish deed. But writers and bloggers, choose to face their painful realities. And the best part of it is, beauty through prose and literature comes into being. Thank God for all those writers and artists who make beauty out of pain!

I also don't post because I feel I am required to. Writing is not a requirement. I consider my blog as my safe haven from the prying social media world. I do not post because I am conscious that my followers will stop reading my verses every now and then.

Blogging is not a job. It's a passion. You can leave the other days empty when you don't feel the itch to create an anecdote.

This is my quiet zone. This is the best downtime and diversion from the noise and cacophony in my IT workload. I will only publish a note when my head and heart tells me to (in chorus). So, if it will take me a few days before crafting another post, then so be it! My current blog goal is not to impress. I returned to blogging to express my innermost, silenced self.

I may get back to journal writing even in a few days. But, for now, I have no plans of leaving my safe haven.

I am not even sure if someone is reading my random anecdotes. But, for now, my letters on this empty sheet are helping me heal my wounded soul.