Personal ANNecdotes

Subliminal Thoughts

You know when someone had successfully conquered your unconscious mind.

For unknown reasons, that familiar face comes flashing through your imagination, even without deliberately thinking about that person.

Sometimes, you wonder, was it really you who is thinking about him/her? What if it was the other way around?

You are busy with pre-occupying yourself with too much stuff, work, hobby - - petty alibis just to take your mind from thinking about that person. Just a mere memory can stir familiar emotions that may signal pain, tears, sadness and regret. And so, to get yourself out of that pitiful situation, you give yourself every lame excuse to take your thoughts to every available diversion.

But, surprisingly, that face comes popping out of nowhere from your subliminal thoughts. You get yourself wondering: how is that even possible? Without giving serious thought, your mind takes you off to those beautiful, but, painful memories. You've been longing to forget them because you don't want to get yourself hurt again. Defense mechanism - - it's a natural human instinct. Protecting yourself from emotional injuries, such as heartache, is a typical reaction when you go through separation anxiety.

Yet, I never considered myself the best authority when it comes to giving love advice. It may be hard to believe but, I have remained in the NBSB stage since day 1.

I used to be picky with suitors. So from 1 to 3, we went down to nil. I'm just not yet ready to be in a relationship that time. But, I can't help asking myself, when will you ever be ready?

When he came into the picture, I felt I've found my long, lost soulmate. We are similar in a lot of ways even when it comes to our personal interactions. But, I can never really tell whether he liked me or not. There was no verbal confirmation so I chose not to assume much.

Now that he's gone, I am left to pick the shattered pieces of my heart. It's back to square one again and to figuring out what I really wanted in a partner. But, since I've gotten used to being single, will I ever need one? Will I be able to open my heart when I finally get to meet the right one?

For now, I will be resting my head and sleep over these thoughts. Tomorrow may bring that much awaited answer.

Time check: 05:21 a.m. So much for giving these thoughts a random run through. I need to sleep to make up for several days of lack of it.