Personal ANNecdotes

(Because the emo in me has successfully unleashed itself, I have decided to go back to some of my old drafts which were never published several years back. Here's one of them.) 

So here I found myself writing another melancholic piece again... I'm trying to regenerate the dead brain cells that are pushing me to doze off to wonderland. 

It has been 4 years, 2 months and 7 days since I decided to write about you again. You bet by now that I have not moved on at this point yet. 

Is there a way to describe the pain of losing someone? For me there is no one word or set of words to accurately say what it feels.

Imagine finding yourself crying almost every minute and hour every single day. Sometimes, you find yourself wondering, will there be an end to this? How a sad song or particular memory stirs a tearjerking moment in your once silent life. How a simple word or scent sends you remembering a person who used to be there, but will never be present ever again, no matter how hard you wish for it to happen.

How you wished life was as easy as one, two, three like having a genie, serving at your beck and call when you need someone to be there. But, life, ironically challenges even the bravest of hearts. It tests your resilience especially, when you are at your most vulnerable. And yes, it is driving me nuts that I end up making run-on sentences in this random piece.

I wish I would grow up soon to finally forget you. But, the child in me is holding on desperately to your memory. You know when something as fascinating and beautiful becomes part of your life. You don't want it to stop. Until, someone removes the plug. You'll end up realizing you are existing mainly due to a life machine which can end up your life pretty easily the moment the power goes out.

I am now experiencing the withdrawal symptoms of living without you. This may last not only a few days, months or several years hence. When a person becomes part of your existence, the memory lingers like a lifetime imprint on the soul.

It will take a while before I have completely gotten over you. For now, let me rest my pen and my heart. I am not sure if I will find the strength to love again in the coming years of my existence.