Personal ANNecdotes

My Old Self in Social Media

Here's proof that I am just like any man or woman out there - - a social media account.

Let me call that a soon-to-be defunct social media account. A few days ago, I've formally declared myself an antagonist of this multimedia platform. But, there are far too many beautiful (and painful) memories that were contained in this one. I just don't have enough strength to finally hit the 'Delete Account' button and say good riddance to it once and for all.

Several nights ago, 2 or 3 months to be precise, I went on addict mode and decided to take screenshots of my old posts. Most were taken way back 10 years ago, in 2009 to be exact.

Looking back made me realize how EMO I was back then. The emotional spirit cannot help itself but, manifest in my younger self posts.

A month after his death, Facebook had successfully reached our humble publication office. It started with one of my former editors. They initiated the craze of getting ourselves signed up, geared up and posted on this social media site. I was still nursing a broken heart then. So, please excuse the melancholy noted on the first two statuses.

"The cosmos has dictated our fate."

Cosmos is another word for 'universe.' I knew back then that the world had its reasons for certain events. I have fully resigned myself that time to the idea that we were never meant to be together in this lifetime. You need to understand that I am far from recovering from his unexpected demise that time.

The post was created almost 3 months after he died. Behind that lonely status is a young girl who cried almost every hour wondering how she would get herself through to another day. Every day, she imagined how she would die just to be with him. To push the suicidal thoughts and find the strength to move on, she had decided to go to the nearest church or prayer room to contemplate and ask God for courage.

It went on for several more years with her getting close to thinking that she may be going insane. But, as life went on, she matured and understood that it was part of the moving on stage. When your heart is broken, you need to be kind to yourself by allowing the tears to flow. It's better to have a confidante to tell your stories to. In my case, I turned to blogging when I felt some of my trusted friends are getting drained.

Loneliness is a powerful emotion. It will rub on to other people even when they are on hype mode. I knew back then that people can only take so much of one's pain and anxiety. You need to throw it to a neutral medium such as a blog account or a personal journal to let all of the emotions out.

"True love knows no space, boundary or time."

When you love someone, the feeling resides in the heart even when the physical presence is gone. As the one left behind, you have no choice but to savor and remember every remnant and memory that the one you love has implanted in your mind.

You thought a year is enough to recover, until, you find yourself counting on to days, months and years that go by. Moving on is not time sensitive. Only the brokenhearted will understand when the time to move on has come. In my case, it took me 4 painful years to finally let go and breath normally again.

Loneliness can be emotionally suffocating. It's like getting your hands, feet and heart tied hoping you can get yourself moving. But, you are left to stay in the same old place until the time to get going has arrived.

I was also wishing and praying to God back then to allow me to speak to him. If I were in my normal mind, I would have never asked Him to grant that wish. I would be scared to the bones knowing I am seeing and conversing with spirits of dead people.

Reality bites because we know we have no means of relaying our messages from the physical to the spiritual realms. I even bought a book more than a year after hoping it would teach how to speak to the dead. James Van Praagh is lucky enough to have it.

Apparently, it wasn't a gift that most people had. It takes the gift of being a spiritual medium to speak to them. James van Praagh was a lucky guy.

I ended up giving it to one of my friends in my current industry. We met a year after her mother died. She had a lung disease which caused her untimely demise.

I knew she needed the book more than I did. It had been sitting on our shelf, dusty and almost forgotten for years. I have already moved on by the time we met. So, I have given the book to her because it will help with the coping process.

Sometimes, reminiscing the past helps you remind yourself of who you were, who you are and who you will be in the coming years. When you know you have surmounted an almost impossible mountain, you will have the confidence to conquer and overturn future challenges awaiting you ahead.

By the way, I have already learned the cause of my persistent backache for days. When the results came out, it turned out that I had lumbar scoliosis.

I know this is another challenge that I need to surmount. But, since I am looking forward to preparing our breakfast tomorrow, I will have to temporarily rest my pen.

See you, better self. Life will only get better ahead.